Messing With A Rotten Bond
by na-chan00
Summary: Will Mess With Your Rotten Heart. Not so simple as it sounds, nor so complex. It all started with an unexpected event which was the trigger to childish denial. We are all very proud at heart.
1. What About Strawberry Milk?

Disclaimer: Gintama belongs to Hideaki Sorachi. Let's leave it at that.

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Messing With A Rotten Bond Will Mess With Your Rotten Heart

Chapter 1: What About Strawberry Milk?

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The little feast Kondou had organized at the Shinsengumi barracks was very welcome. Gintoki and his two amusing goons could not agree to a more befitting compensation after their job had gone so terribly bad thanks to Sougo's sadistic behavior. However, they all secretly knew that Kondou's number one reason for allowing this little party was the chance of seeing Otae, who apparently had not arrived yet, and thus the Commander of the Shinsengumi was in low spirits. Not that Gintoki or Kagura cared, as long as they were given free food, much less Otae's brother Shinpachi who suffered severely from a sister-complex.

Either way, the overall mood was very pleasing and by the time Gintoki felt his stomach filled and pampered enough he scanned around the room absentmindedly. Kagura and Sougo were both competing for who knows what, still eating nonstop, Shinpachi and Yamazaki were being as random and predictable as possible, dethroning the common man and beating randomness to smithereens, Kondou was crying in a corner calling for Otae and the rest of the Shinsengumi were partying as typical Japanese people. For some reason everything was excessively pleasing and Gintoki appreciated that.

Nevertheless, this story would not have a beginning if annoyance was not needed. Well, maybe not "needed", but vexation had a bad habit of gravitate around Gintoki for he had a natural charm that drew in said vexation. In this case, the source of annoyance was clearly missing. The insanely perfect black hair, the dark blue eyes examining every centimeter of the room, the cold heavy aura that emitted a high sense of self and undoubtedly a great amount of pride. All these characteristics collided with Gintoki's own. They were two opposite poles and likewise Gintoki could feel when said rival was around and vice-versa.

"Where's Oogushi-kun?" Gintoki asked the nearest Shinsengumi officer out of curiosity. The man turned around and after pondering for a second replied.

"Today is the Vice Captain's day-off, he must be in his room"

Gintoki nodded with his head and then glanced at the seat next to Kondou's that usually accommodated Hijikata Toushiro. It struck him how boring these gatherings at the Shinsengumi quarters could be without the bastard around, though Gintoki did not dismiss the pleasantness of such absence either. It was significantly better than crossing swords with the vicious Vice Commander every five minutes.

As Gintoki reflected upon these irrelevant matters a brief discussion ensued next to him among three young officers. They were talking about bringing more sake to the Vice Commander's room and fretting all about it.

"You go there! He made me go buy him more tobacco half an hour ago"

"I brought him sake just after dinner"

"Don't look at me asshole, I'm not going there either"

"Yeah, what if he is drunk?!"

"I don't want to die today, there's a special episode of my favourite drama airing tomorrow and I wanna record it"

"Yeah, I'm waiting for next week's Jump too, I can't have my body slain yet"

"Are you serious? He will kill you anyway if you don't go"

Gintoki found the whole argument very interesting and the idea of a drunken Hijikata instantly revealed itself in his mind as something very amusing to behold. He would have a new way of messing around with the other man's mind and threw on a little shame at his frowny mug. A devilish smile came to play eagerly upon his lips.

"I'll do your task in exchange of a week supply of free parfaits" he said to the three officers playfully. Gintoki wasn't totally sure they would comply with his offer but he might as well try. Seeing Hijikata's shameful face would already be a prize on its own.

"Really, Danna? You would do that?" one of them blurted astonished. Gintoki flashed him a grin.

"Sure"

"Ok it's a deal then"

The young officer handed the little bottle of sake to Gintoki and after accompanying him out of the room he pointed towards the Vice Captain's quarters.

"It's the second door at the first right of this corridor. A little farther from the bathroom"

"Thanks officer-kun"

Gintoki strolled happily down the wooden pavement anxious for the glory awaiting just a few meters ahead. It was right within his grasp and he could not but smirk at the thought of a miserable Hijikata consumed by alcohol. It was going to be incredibly fun.

He approached the room carefully, attentive to any movement from within. There was none whatsoever. Perhaps the Vice Captain had fallen asleep before Gintoki's arrival, hence stealing the entire amusement he had been hoping for. He halted for a second in doubt yet, in spite of the brief disappointment, Gintoki was determined to go through with his plan. He was not going to bail out after having come so far.

"Oogushi-kun~~" he called in a sing song voice. There was not a single reply. Gintoki frowned.

"I have your precious sake~"

Silence greeted him again and seconds flew by in the same fashion until the neglect became too great to just dismiss as annoyance.

"Oi you bastard I'm coming in-" Gintoki announced ill-tempered. However, the door to Hijikata's room slid open itself before he could touch it and the man behind it stumbled forward crashing against his chest unwieldy. Gintoki fell on his back with dismay and his grip on the sake bottle eased making it fall to the ground as well.

"What the…" Gintoki cursed loudly not quite aware of what had happened and then looked at his lap. Resting on top of him was Hijikata, lumpish and disoriented. Dressed in his yukata the dark haired man was looking pretty inebriated, his cheeks were mildly flushed in a pink colour and his gaze was lost in a far away world. He had definitely tripped on his feet while leaving the room. Gintoki felt like laughing at the display. Actually he would have done so if the position they were in was not so awkward. Hijikata's hair grazed his chin and his hot sweltering breath was on Gintoki's skin. It didn't feel right.

"Oi, oi, get up" he grumbled quickly but his words reached no one. Hijikata was still hopelessly resting on top of him breathing deeply as if trying to inhale resolve.

It was impossible not to become engulfed in the lingering tobacco smell drifting from the Vice Commander. There was a strong alcohol odour floating around too, accompanied by a scent that was Hijikata's own. It was not surprising that such smell would burn into Gintoki's memory in the near future. He already repented having submitted to this stupid idea of his. He would not have gone along with it if he knew he would end up in such a risky situation. All he wanted was to make fun of poorly rational Hijikata in all his deprivation of sobriety. It wasn't asking for much really, but no, everything had to go completely out of control. That satellite of vexation and bad omens had to tantalize Gintoki even in this twisted way.

While such thoughts rushed to his head and busied his mind with self-abashment, it did not take long for Gintoki's eyes to wander below Hijikata's sculptured chin and imagine his fingertips trail the smooth pale skin of the Vice Commander's neck and exposed collarbone. It almost gave him contempt towards his own feelings thinking such things, but the fact was that the vulnerability presented before him aroused him in strange unexpected ways and was, as much as he wanted to deny it, delightful to behold. The soft slow breaths near his ear transformed themselves in atrocious, though alluring illusions of Hijikata nibbling at his earlobes and tracing his jaw line with his tongue down to his lips… A furious flush rose to Gintoki's cheeks. It seemed unable to be driven away as long as the warm supple body rested in his arms. Shit. Gintoki's slightly drunken mind had to be playing tricks on him. He dared a guess at what would become of him if the scene prolonged itself for much longer and he even took a moment to acknowledge the future of the throbbing member between his legs.

The situation was beyond bad. Soon enough it would be beyond repair and the sudden grip on his neck proved no better. Hijikata was trying to stand up supporting his weight on Gintoki. The latter felt his conscience brim into clarity for a moment at the chance of fleeing from such a predicament and consequently he tried to help the former with an enormous wish of success. He had to detach himself from the Vice Commander as soon as possible or he would not be able to suppress his urges for much longer.

Gintoki tried to hoist Hijikata up by placing his hands on the other male's hips and, for a secure second, he thought he had made it. Hijikata managed to get a foot solidly against the floor when his knee brushed clumsily against Gintoki's sensitive erection and sent him groaning loudly.

"Bastard… Get off me!" he scowled between gritted teeth. The thought of having his own pride stained like that made him feel sick. How could his body betray him like that? It wasn't right, not even for a person as lax and easygoing as Gintoki. He was shocked and repulsed at himself. Regardless of anything he thought, of any reason he tried to pound into his head, the undisputed truth revealed itself in his body. The move made Gintoki lose his composure and the steady hands holding Hijikata quickly fell from their place unbalancing the weight of the Vice Commander further onto Gintoki. The latter thrust his head back in utter desperation, applying all his concentration into negating the sight before his eyes. It was an inconceivable, ridiculous situation and it only made him regret coming to the barracks even more. He had told them, he truly had. He had told Kagura and Shinpachi that he didn't want anything to do with the Shinsegumi freaks but the money had gotten the best of him as always. Shinpachi had to open his big mouth and babble about money which they most probably would never get thanks to some crazy mojo that was sure to come their way. In the end things did come out as Gintoki had predicted and the party Gorilla decided to host seemed a nice enough gesture to compensate the damages and money lost. However, not in a million years would Gintoki have predicted this, this absurdly drunk Hijikata who could not even stand on his own two feet. It was even worse than having to bump into him all day during his other stupid days-off. Moreover the worse thing about it all was that Gintoki had to control the irrational natural cravings of his body; to prevent the moans and weird thoughts and, if such proved too difficult to deal with, at least he had to delay the sexual impulse for as long as possible.

Everything was way too spooky and terrible and Gintoki was just about to curse the whole damned universe when someone approached. He did not know if he should be terrified or relieved but he opted for the later.

"Danna! I was wondering where you could- Ah! Hijikata-san!" Yamazaki gasped surprised at the poor figure of his Vice Commander. He hurried to Gintoki's help and with joint effort the two successfully pulled the man up.

"Is the Vice Commander… drunk?" Yamazaki asked, looking at Hijikata quite astonished. Gintoki wondered if Yamazaki truly lacked a brain.

"No, Friezer came from Namek and hit him with his tail- Of course he is freaking drunk! Are you blind Yamazaki-kun, oi?!"

The younger man bowed his head in an apologetic manner, half-smiling and half-embarrassed.

"We should drop the Vice Commander in his room don't you think Danna?"

"I couldn't care less, excuse me" Gintoki said shortly, removing his arm from under Hijikata's. Yamazaki lost his balance with the sudden withdrawal and looked behind in plea at Gintoki's back.

"Danna! Are you leaving me alone? Danna!"

"You are not alone, are you Yamazaki-kun?" Gintoki replied coolly, though it was all an act to hide the persistent blush on his face. He then quickened his step and vanished from sight. He needed to get rid of his arousal and rapidly. He could barely walk straight anymore. A voice soon reached his ears and Gintoki did his best to look as unassuming and slack as usual.

"Gin-san!" Shinpachi's head popped out from the bright room where the group was partying "Where were you? Aneue brought rice cakes and Kagura is eating them all!" he complained. Gintoki managed to give the boy a look of acknowledgment and then walked swiftly past him.

"Gin-san? Where are you going? Gin-san"

"Doing a man's job Shinpachi-kun, a man's job" he said proudly with an unreadable gaze. Shinpachi sighed heavily and shook his head in disapproval.

"I don't need to know it every time you're going to take a dump Gin-san"

"You asked"

"Erm… the bathroom isn't that way"

"Oh…" Gintoki stopped in his tracks and looked around as if he had been transported to another dimension "You're right Shinpachi-kun, where was I headed?" The question struck Shinpachi's usual snarky attitude, typical of his stooge personality.

"How would I know?!" he bellowed angrily. Gintoki scratched the back of his neck tiredly.

"Yamazaki is over there so…" Gintoki complained in a bored voice. Shinpachi's eyebrow twitched at the remark and then with a strong shove he slid the door shut.

"Like I care!"

Gintoki sighed as the boy disappeared behind the door and then looked at the corridor ahead of him. He sure as hell was not going to go back there, though Yamazaki had probably disposed of the Vice Commander by now. Either way that was not Gintoki's chief concern. He had to do something about his throbbing fellow down there. It had been pure luck that Shinpachi did not notice it but that's how virgins were, or so Gintoki liked to think.

Once the Yorozuya finally dared to take a peek at the dreadful corridor and saw it clear he ran for the bathroom with all his might. The more steps he took the more painful it was to prevent loud groans. As soon as he entered his destination he scanned the place in a glimpse and then shut himself in a toilet stall. He loosened his kimono and got down to business. The quicker he got rid of it the better. He undid his pants and not long after low soft moans filed the tilled bathroom. Aside from the quirky, dirty thoughts that swarmed in, the fact that the bathroom was empty was probably the one thing that eased Gintoki the most. All the stall doors had been open and no one had entered his field of vision, not even near the sinks. Gintoki could unleash himself freely.

Not that seclusion was his real problem. That one was just about to start.

As he began reaching more intense stages of pleasure, images of recent porn books and DVDs Hasegawa had lent him proved themselves insufficient, not even his favourite ones seemed worthy, and so, in despair of not being able to release or eventually for some other unknown twisted reason, the recollection of Hijikata's demeanour came to his mind. His flushed face, his hot breaths near his ear, the naked legs exposed under the yukata… Gintoki could hardly believe he was being consumed with such lust but there he was jerking off at the thought of the Demonic Vice Commander. His breath became irregular and as he quickened his pace, burning waves of heat unleashed throughout his body. He glued his forehead to the freezing tiles in the vain hope of cooling down the wild rush but only more curses and groans came out from the attempt.

"Haa…shit!...nng…!"

At last, with one final long moan escaping his lips, Gintoki released and succumbed to his knees. Something that was prone to give him as much happiness as it did to any other man had become a terrifying experience which would now haunt him for the rest of his life. It took him a while to regain his apathetic assurance and calmness and when he did, the fact that he had to bear the memory of such a colossal jerking off shook him slightly. In the ocean of his being now sailed a ridicule piece of his past that would always remind him of this day. He felt his self-esteem rotting in the pit. Why of all people did it have to be Hijikata? His annoying rival at everything in life, the unbelievable Mayora, the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi! His complete opposite! Gintoki's soul witnessed shame beyond comparison. He was confused, disgusted and angry at himself.

After swallowing what was left of his pride Gintoki stumbled out of the toilet stall muttering. His expression was dull and indifferent as he tried to ignore all his inner turmoil.

"That bastard… I can't belie-"

Gintoki looked at his right and stared. There was definitely something staring back at him with big blue eyes; something quite pale and discomposed, looking as if it had been regurgitating organs and above all, something shocked; shocked right out of its mind. The situation was so immensely surreal that a part of Gintoki's brain burst out laughing making one corner of his lips turn up in a weird smirk. Since it was reality and not some stupid anime scene, Gintoki felt only a cold drip of sweat run down his back, otherwise he would have melted right there and then, clothes included.

The untouched, seemingly unbreakable silence kept the atmosphere as awkward and uncomfortable as possible. Gintoki's second cerebral activity besides acknowledging human embarrassment was retracing his steps back to the time when he had stepped inside the bathroom, particularly to the part where he had made sure no one was there. In fact he was certain all stall doors had been open and no Shinsengumi officer was in the vicinity. How could he have missed one? Gintoki began to wonder if perhaps the Vice Commander was stupid to the point of charging in regardless of the intimate sounds soaring in the air. That would make him a pervert as well, though his cold and distant bearing dismissed such presumption. But if not so, how come he was there staring back at Gintoki with those pure beautiful blue eyes? Gintoki wanted to throw himself into the nearest hole. Never mind it was probably a sewer.

Eventually it hit him that it was possible that Hijikata had been there all along, too busy with his fragile drunken state to close the stall door.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Gintoki had been extremely reckless not to have listened to any other sounds besides his own, yet he could not have quite worried himself with other matters while he was doing his thing, could he? And it wasn't really that bad that he had been overheard, except it was the Hijikata he had been thinking about while masturbating that was now standing beside him. How ironic. The situation left Gintoki with one scary gigantic question racing through his mind, exploding and echoing everywhere, turning him numb: had he uttered Hijikata's name, had he, Sakata Gintoki, in the middle of all his satisfaction and debauchery let Hijikata's name slip from his lips? No, no, no, no, no. Even as the need to have the question answered corroded his spirit, Gintoki still stood casual and nonchalant on the outside and knowing that he took advantage of his wit and arsenal of retorts to lighten up the mood.

"Oogushi-kun you look terrible, did you vomit your balls too?"

The other man made no reply. Hijikata just kept staring at him with overwhelming perplexity and though such reaction perturbed the latter more than anything, he did not sink into distress.

"Eh? That bad was it?"

The stare did not stop and only when Gintoki thought Hijikata had finally succeeded in piercing him with those striking eyes, the Vice Commander flinched and in a rush returned to the toilet behind him with his hands covering his mouth. An awful gurgling noise filled the bathroom. Gintoki could barely contain his sneer.

"You bastard, I didn't need to hear that" he said mildly nauseated, walking towards the sinks.

A flushing sound then resounded throughout the bathroom, along with the sound of running water, and Hijikata finally spoke. His voice was feeble and dry, yet cold and as serious as always.

"I didn't need to hear you either"

The phrase froze Gintoki from within. He felt shrills run countless times through his spine and he endured it all for the sake of his already blemished pride. He had never given it much credit until now, but he had never expected a situation like this to begin with. There was just something about Hijikata, perhaps his voice, his attitude towards Gintoki that really pissed him off. A torn prickled inside him with rage, making his easygoing nature go all to waste in a moment. No one else had this effect on him and he didn't like it. Moreover it had been Hijkata whom he had just fantasised about minutes ago and that was as degrading as it could get. Not to mention the screams inside Gintoki's mind that begged for some reassurance, for concrete proof that nothing accounting of the Vice Commander's name had issued from his mouth. Nevertheless, Gintoki was resolute in not pursuing the subject (even though the needy question was still left unanswered) and therefore he did not reply one word to the man who now popped up beside him in the next sink. Gintoki merely smirked. Above anything else he did not want to show the tiniest bit of apprehension in his presence. His confident, bored, usual self had to overflow and suffocate the rest of the world more fiercely than ever before. At that moment, Gintoki could not sound strange, could not show any kind of discomfort knowing his blissful moans had been heard by Hijikata. Gintoki had to act as if everything was normal even when he knew exactly why it wasn't. He had to act as if Hijikata was Hasegawa or Kondou or Zura any other person not Hijikata.

Thus, when Gintoki finished washing his hands he began to slowly walk away and struggle out of that bitter silence. He did not expect more conversation between the two of them, especially on the account of Hijikata's painful return to sobriety and so he left with a short and amused "Sorry about that" which had nothing of amusing about it, just plain muffled panic.

"What's done is done" Gintoki said to himself. He walked back to the party with great intentions of indulging himself in ways to forget what had happened.

A week had gone by since the fated embarrassing encounter and Gintoki had successfully overlooked it. Reading Jump, putting up with Shinpachi and Kagura's craziness, avoiding Otose and Katherine's demands for paying rent, hanging out with poor Madao Hasegawa and eating strawberry based sweets had truly lifted his spirits and helped him forget the event. The time passage had even eroded any such feelings of confusion or awkwardness towards the Vice Commander, though they had not been entirely ripped from root. Gintoki occasionally found himself lost in a haze reflecting upon it, remembering what he thought agreeable about the whole experience. Obviously, those moments felt like a slap in the face once he thought about them reasonably, but they were something he could not avoid. A state of mind he could not control.

"Gin-san is something wrong? Is it the ramen?" Ikumatsu asked a bit worried.

"Eh? The ramen? No it's fine"

"You seem deep in thought, I wondered if the ramen was not to your liking" she said with a weak smile.

"It's nothing, it's nothing…" he mumbled quickly, brushing away the intangible disturbance with his hand.

"Kagura and Shinpachi-kun are not with you. That's strange" she continued "Busy with work?"

"Hmph, they are probably slacking somewhere being the slobs they are" he complained tiredly "Probably dragging the big dog behind them too" he added. Ikumatsu smiled politely.

"Well, that still doesn't explain why you are here alone. Katsura is not here you know?"

"Yeah, whatever, who cares about him anyway…"

"Seeking solitude once in a while is not bad uh?" she said quiescently. The sentence peeked Gintoki's dead interest and he looked up at her. The ramen shop was empty besides the two of them, but that wasn't unusual regarding the hours. It was close to four in the afternoon.

"I guess so" Gintoki told her after finishing his bowl of noodles. Ikumatsu smiled at him.

"I'm sure the reason for you to be like this has something to do with relationships, it's pretty obvious" she said with a laugh. Gintoki thrust his perplexity down his throat. He knew the shop owner could be very slick when she wanted to, but scoring so hastily caught him off guard. He returned the smile before she spoke again.

"I never believed you would go as far as having your little crush for the weather girl, but I guess she has a new rival, hahaha"

"Wha-?!"

Gintoki choked on his own saliva. Her daring guess had surprised him so much more than her previous statement that he had to cough several times to get rid of the shock. What the hell was she talking about? Could she read minds or something? Even if she did read minds, what could be so bad about it anyway? Gintoki shrugged. He could hardly accept the direction the conversation was going. What had Ketsuno Ana to do with his relationship problems? Nothing!_ It has absolutely nothing to do with it!_ Besides, he didn't have a problem any longer. It had never been a problem to begin with. Yeah, just something hard to swallow like when they said Trunks-kun was Vegeta and Bulma's son. It was merely a memory difficult to store away, something that would eventually be forgotten. _Gotta put shit like that __behind your back._ So what was this talk about Ketsuno Ana having a rival? Gintoki could be dense, but he wasn't dense to the point where he didn't know who he fancied.

"Did I hit the spot?" Ikumatsu queried amusingly.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about" Gintoki replied dryly, making a huge effort not to roll his eyes.

"Eeh? Being evasive are we?"

"Ikumatsu-san, did Zura's stupidity affect your brain? You're not thinking straight"

"No need to lecture me Gin-san, it doesn't take a great level of intelligence to see you're in love, just like a high school kid" she said while leaning on the counter and resting her head on her palms.

Gintoki kept his mouth shut in case he might stutter. What the hell was she saying? It was ridiculous. Who could he possibly be in love with? Not even Ketsuno Ana retained such degree of his affections, and for the most part, Gintoki did not want anything, anything to do with love or like or whatever. Attachments were something he did not need; he already had more than he wished for. They were troublesome and caused him the emotion which he dreaded the most: worry.

"So are you going to tell me who she is?"

"I already told you I don't know what you're talking about"

"Oh come on Gin-san"

"I'm leaving"

"You're being shy"

"I don't have anything to be shy about"

"Denial is the first step" Ikumatsu said louder as Gintoki reached the entrance. He waved his hand at her with his back turned and then he slid the door shut. Ikumatsu was left entertained for the rest of the day and Gintoki troubled.

If there was something in the whole world he loved, he surely did not love now. He had lost that ability; most accomplished discarded it. But what would he call those feelings that jabbed his chest now and then, how could he label them when he did not fully understand them?

Gintoki looked up at the azure sky and sighed.

"What about strawberry milk?"

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AN: I finally finished this hellish chapter! I still don't believe how diligently the words came out, but I'm glad they did. After reading doujinshi after doujinshi and watching so many great episodes I knew I had to write a Gintama fic. I hope I'll be able to keep the promise I made to myself and conclude this in four chapters. Until then, please read and review. I pray you enjoy it.

Last edited on July 2013.


	2. Mayora's Blood Does Not Run Cold

Disclaimer: Gintama belongs to Hideaki Sorachi. Let's leave it at that

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Messing With A Rotten Bond Will Mess With Your Rotten Heart

Chapter 2: Mayora's Blood Does Not Run Cold

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Recently Hijikata could not but digress. Digress, digress, digress. Slowly, subtly, unwillingly. His brain just wandered off to dream land and it wasn't even because of his dark, secret otaku personality or Lala-chii's neglect during episode 8. It was all that stupid natural perm's fault. Every hazing away, every sudden twitch of annoyance was utterly _his_ to blame and Hijkata hated to acknowledge that. It made him feel weak, vulnerable and irritating. He was angry at himself. His pride was eroding in a most disturbing manner. Fortunately, he had found ways, very effective ways to suppress such annoyance. First, he had indulged more viciously than ever in torturing his subordinates at the barracks, secondly, he had avoided any patrolling outside so as not to meet any unexpected passersby, thirdly he began accepting more and more paperwork in order to keep his mind focused, completely concentrated on work.

However, all those measures seemed to have the exact opposite effect on him. The more Hijikata evaded the Edo streets the more he craved them. He could almost hear the sheathed sword on his waist whisper painful pleas to him, begging to please cut someone down. But Hijikata refused. He was not going to succumb to his bloody urges, he was not going to step outside and allow that stupid Yorozuya to dig deeper into his brain. He was not. Just remembering his face, his stupid blank stare, his voice, his moans- The Vice Captain could not handle it. Behind his cold, devilish demeanor he was only human after all.

"Vice Commander!" Yamazaki's voice chimed in the corridor outside Hijikata's room.

"What do you want?" the latter replied harshly.

"I have the reports on those Justaway rapists you requested" he said sliding the door open and peeking inside. Hijkata gestured to his desk and lit a cigarette.

"Leave them there" he said shortly. Yamazaki did as he was told and walked away. Although, before closing the door he turned towards the Vice Captain with a curious, honest look on his face.

"By the way Vice Commander, are you feeling better?"

Hijikata's eyebrow twitched.

"What?" he inquired angrily. Some part of his brain anxiously wondered if the random question had anything to do with his terrible display of drunkenness the previous weekend, though he hastily rejected any recollections possible.

Yamazaki gulped down an incredible amount of fear. Poking his nose into the Vice Captain's private affairs was clearly a bad idea, totally unacceptable.

"I-I m-mean sir, I helped you back to your room after I found you lying on the floor w-with Yorozuya's Danna s-so-"

Hijikata spit the cigarette out of his mouth in horror. He and the natural perm what? The gasp sent the cigarette flying to the floor in a loop. Hijikata coughed roughly while trying to make his brain cope with the shock. An urge to unsheathe his sword and cut Yamazaki down to small sushi bits was consuming his will.

"What?" the question came roaring from his lips again and followed an intense death glare that pierced Yamazaki to the bone. The latter, barely able to deal with the amount of rage swarming around the room at the moment, averted his eyes from the Vice Captain's beastly stare. Why on Earth had he brought up such a stupid subject?

"Yamazaki" the name sounded like venom "Sit"

Yamazaki's body might as well have been a robot's. He sat in front of Hijikata with limbs so tight and constricted there was no opportunity for blood to freely run through his veins.

"Explain _that_ again" the Vice Captain echoed dryly. His whisper could almost attain the corporeal form of a weapon. Hijikata couldn't quite grasp why he needed to ascertain so much about the incident, but it worried him that more events accounting the white haired bastard and himself had taken place. Who knew what could have happened to him in that state of absolute drunkenness, and, considering the natural perm haired creep… what could have happened indeed!

"S-so when I l-left the party to go look f-for my badminton racket I s-saw Danna on the floor with you half unconscious on t-top of him. I helped you to y-your room afterwards" Yamazaki stammered, fidgeting nervously with his fingers. Hijikata mustered all the self-control he could so as not to lash out his temper in front of his subordinate. Such matter as this could not be simply dismissed with a shrug. He had to deal with it as casually as possible. This event had to be measured with everything else of inferior importance, dealt with the minimum care so as not to rise up any suspicions. Not that there was any reason for that, it was just in case. _Just in case._

"Is that all?"

Yamazaki nodded with his head.

"Good. Now go disembowel yourself in the yard, you maggot!" Hijikata ordered. Yamazaki pleaded a few prayers and then ran for his life. Hijikata was left terrifyingly alone with his thoughts, much to his personal displeasure.

The more he thought about that night and the more he tried to swallow Yamazaki's words, the more fragments of his memory assembled together. The fog of grogginess that had clouded his thoughts that night began lifting up and vivid almost tangible images haunted his entire being. Sensitive details came rushing to his mind with a jolt, allowing him to discern the white haired samurai's words ringing outside his room babbling about sake. Hijikata remembered, he remembered walking up towards the door to shut the freak up, to make him go away but to pathetically losing his footing in the process and falling over the lanky man. Immediately, Yorozuya's smell came dancing at his nostrils, intoxicating his brain with that strawberry sweetness and sugar infused stupidity, not to mention the strange scent that exuded from the man's own skin. A scent such that sent shrills up Hijikata's spine. A scent he felt he had known all his life.

"Damn it" he inhaled a large amount of smoke and put down his cigarette. What in the world was happening to him? These absurd disturbing memories were infuriating. How could they do this to him even lacking any kind of deeper meaning? Bitter as they were, Hijikata could only comply in the sense that they were alluring, suggestive to a certain point where they were a nice escape from the cold harsh reality surrounding the Shinsengumi. But that was it. No more, no less. Going against his principles though was a whole different thing. It troubled his conscience to great extents. His ego felt damaged beyond comprehension. He was Hijikata Toushiro, the standard of seriousness, the cold hearted Demon Vice Captain who did not allow Jump to enter the realm of the barracks. Yet, all these solid characteristics of his character seemed to crumble to shambles as recollections of that shameful night stuck to him like natto beans. For as much as he wanted to shake them away, to destroy and erase them, the unscrupulous part of his being stubbornly held onto them and robbed him of his coolness by dangling said memories in his face. Proving how stupid and light-hearted he was, how easily he could be toyed with.

Getting drunk that night had been the most foolish thing Hijikata had ever done. His regret was enormous. It wore him down and dented a comfortable spot on his shoulders which every time he massaged made him remember. Hijikata remembered the sudden pause amidst his vomiting, the irregularity in the stillness of the bathroom that gave place to loud moaning, ridiculously happy moaning that could not belong to anyone except _him_. That empty headed, simple minded creep Sakata Gintoki. And then, somehow, intercalating all that satisfaction weird mumbles followed. Mumbles that now haunted Hijikata in his dreams. Mumbles that every night made him sweat severely and arch his back.

"_Oogushi-kun…"_

He didn't know if such words were illusions or memories anymore. The fact was they were indeed embarrassing, just remembering them brought a nasty shade of red to his face. The maddening blush was nevertheless the tip of the iceberg. Hijikata's irregular breaths would already have given away all his emotional uproar. What the fuck was happening to him? Where had all his self-control and restraint gone to? Yorozuya was a fucking guy! Who cared if he masturbated loudly? They all did!

"Oh but you don't Hijikata-san. You only do it silently in the middle of the night while you're dreaming" said a calm voice which slashed the heavy ambiance of the room with ease. Hijikata automatically reverted to his confident self, full of hate and contempt and perhaps even a little humiliation towards Sougo's horrible ability to read his mind.

"Damn you Sougo! Get the hell outta here!"

"Sorry Hijikata-san but I sensed this was a perfect time to kill you, seeing you're very vulnerable"

"W-What?" Hijikata could not believe he had been so easily read.

"Come on Hijikata-san, you could make this a little more difficult"

"Die Sougo!"

"You die Hijikata-san"

Hijikata lit another cigarette and sighed. He had to dismiss Sougo as soon as possible before the annoying brat noticed any further strange inner turmoil

"What do you want?" he grunted.

"You. Dead"

"Tsk. Go watch your drama reruns and leave me. I have work to do"

"Yeah sure. I bet it is Yorozuya-related work, right?"

A deadly silence followed the witty remark. Hijikata wanted to slice Okita Sougo through and through for being the clever cynical bastard he was. However he knew he had to act normal and thrust his weirdness aside.

"What makes you say that?" Hijikata replied as dryly as he could, locking eyes with Sougo. The latter seemed surprised at the steady cool attitude but his smirk did not waver. Hijikata's insides growled in rage.

"That's something only Hijikata-san can answer"

"Really?"

"Aww, come on Hijikata-san, I already know that funny story Yamazaki told the entire troops"

Hijikata was positively sure an arrow had just pierced his heart at that comment.

"HE WHAT?"

"Hahaha, joking, joking, I was just joking" Sougo said amused. Hijikata sent his ashtray flying over to Okita's head.

"Geez Hijikata-san, you're really scary today~" he teased after dodging the object.

"Get out! Out!"

"But you have air conditioning here~~"

"Do I look like I care obnoxious troglodyte? OUT!"

"Sure, sure, sure…" Okita strolled out of the room lazily with arms crossed over his head.

"Here have this Hijikata-san" he added.

Hijikata looked behind in frustration and caught a glimpse of a ticking voodoo doll.

"DAMN YOU SOUGO!"

BOOM!

* * *

Hijikata left the Shinsengumi quarters out of frustration. Putting his stubborn measures aside he decidedly left. He could not tolerate those mischievous looks and pointing gestures any longer given Yamazaki's stupid rumours. Besides, his encounter with Sougo had just deprived him of what was left of his patience and consequently ruined his entire evening. It just could not get any worse. Moreover, it was about time Hijkata returned to the Edo streets and wandered around town. His legs needed a stretch and so did his mind. The chance of meeting undesired people was also pretty slim at this hour anyway.

"Oi Toshi! Going out for a walk?" Kondo's voice greeted him enthusiastically from an unknown place. Hijikata looked around slightly annoyed.

"Kondo-san?"

"Up here Toshi!"

Hijikata looked up and met the crazy gorilla man on the rooftop of a dojo.

"What are you doing up there?"

"Spying on Otae-san!" the older man said proudly. Hijikata sighed.

"Right, I forgot you were a stalker when you're off duty…"

"No! No! No! I'm not a stalker! I'm just looking out for thieves! Panty thieves! I just have Otae-san's safety in my heart! Her underwear's safety- Oi Toshi! Are you listening to me, OI? Toshi!"

Hijikata had already disappeared from sight by the time Kondo ended his rambling. Nothing good could come out of socializing with a gorilla stalker, even if such pervert was the Captain of the Shinsengumi. Thus Hijikata kept going along with no destination in mind. His only objective was to air his head and let all worries fade away in the darkness of the night. If he could do that he didn't needed any actual destination.

However, Hijikata soon reached the Kabuki district and his bloodlust came crawling up his skin. The thought of dissecting some bastards and eat their hearts out while still bleeding was unbearable. He truly missed the action and gore the Vice Captain position provided him with. Fortunately, a few meters ahead, outside a famous host club, Hijikata caught a glimpse of a shady group of samurais. Most of them were mildly imprinted in his memory thanks to one of Yamazaki's reports. Hijikata seized the handle of his sword and grinned happily to himself. He could hardly believe he was going to end the day in such good manner.

He followed them discreetly through a few back alleys and kept his focus entirely on them. But, as fate would have it, amidst his little chase he crossed paths with an overly familiar silver head. His heart immediately tugged in his chest painfully and he was forced to scowl. _What the hell is that guy doing here? Shit! Was that giggling I heard? Was he with someone? I didn't see shit! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_ Seconds trailed by in this fashion, with Hijikata muttering curses one after the other until his mind turned into a definite blur which made him loose track of the suspicious samurais.

"Shit!"

Where the fuck had that curly perm head gone to? He was going to slash the living hell out of the bastard for spoiling his fun. He was going to kill him over and over again for doing whatever it was he had done to him! _Damn it!_ Hijikata could feel his pride bursting out of every pore with indignation. He felt so incredibly offended he didn't even know why Edo was still standing. He wanted to drown it all in a blood bath, make the awful strain in his heart go away. Unconsciously, his legs began moving by themselves, now with a true destination imbued in their core. He didn't care if he had to torn buildings apart, he didn't care if it took him all night, he was going to find the fucking Yorozuya and he was going to kill Sakata Gintoki so that his problems would finally vanish from the universe.

It did not take Hijikata long to catch sight of the abnormal, sparkling silver hair once again. The white coloured kimono the idiot could not even dress properly, the whole stupid lax appearance that just haunted and tainted Hijikata's thoughts to a new extreme were both quite helpful. Nevertheless, it had to get as worse as possible. As if looking at that apathetic face wasn't enough, Hijikata had to witness the poor display of skills some hostess girl was trying to pull on him.

"Gin-san, come on…" she teased cutely while clinging onto Gintoki's kimono.

Hijikata didn't know why he was silent, why he was standing there doing nothing. There were way too many emotions swirling inside his body to allow him to act accordingly at the moment. He didn't know what he wanted, what he was feeling or what needed to be done. The dark haired hostess began loosening the sash of Gintoki's kimono and then she slid her hand beneath his clothes playfully. Hijikata focused his gaze on Gintoki's face in panic. Why the fuck wasn't he doing anything? _Why aren't you stopping her, you invertebrate?_ Hijikata suppressed a gasp at the sight of the Yorouya's face. His eyes were tightly shut and his head was leaned back in resignation. What was he thinking? Hijikata felt his feet rooted to the ground. Suddenly Gintoki brought his hands up and ran them on the hostess hair. She had short black hair that barely reached her shoulders.

"Gin-san…?" the girl looked at him in surprise. Even a fool could tell he was putting way too much effort into that caress, almost as if he didn't want to do it.

"Gin-san?" she called again softly.

"Don't…call me that" he said. Whatever feeling was attached to his tone of voice Hijikata could not understand. The whole show was becoming very tiring and he lost his short patience much sooner than he expected. Hijikata unsheathed his sword and lashed out at the nearest trash can within reach. The loud sound startled the couple and the petite hostess squealed in shock.

"Sorry to ruin your moment but I really need to have a word with you" Hijikata spit the words out with as much contempt as he could. However, the look on Gintoki's eyes struck him with something akin to relief. A bad kind of relief, a relief that should not exist, that was not _supposed_ to exist. A relief that came attached with myriads of emotions that were not acceptable. Why was he eyeing him like that? Hijikata shove the thought away before it gave him goose flesh. Yet, that unwavering gaze did not falter and it was boring spikes throughout Hijikata's nerves.

"Don't look at me like that!" Hijikata burst out angrily. The childish command blazed his pride with embarrassment but he stood by it stubbornly.

"Look how? How am I looking?" Gintoki asked in all his nonchalant behaviour. His voice pierced Hijikata's heart in ways he did not want to describe.

"Don't play stupid with me!" he growled angrily.

"Tsk. You tax-robbers really don't have anything else to do besides disturbing people's peaceful lives" Gintoki mumbled bored.

"Disturbing? I'll tell you about disturbing you natural perm ass!"

"Oi, oi! Who do you think you're calling that, Mayora freak?"

"What did you say? I'll chop you to tofu bits!"

The hostess girl flinched with fear. She detached herself from Gintoki and ran away. The menacing sword swinging around loosely in Hijikata's hand was not particularly welcoming.

"Oi! Oi! Wait! He is leaving!" Gintoki called after her though to no avail. He scratched the back of his neck tiredly and turned to face the Vice Captain "Aah… you scared her away, you devil monster"

"Shut up bastard! Care to repeat that?" Hijikata roared. He lunged at Gintoki furiously, ready to cut him down mercilessly.

"You don't imagine the things I care to do" Gintoki muttered back at the offender, countering the attack with a swing of his own wooden sword. Both weapons clashed together and blocked the initial attack. The two men struggled to break contact, forcing the two swords fiercely against each other.

"So what was it you wanted to tell me Oogushi-kun?" Gintoki inquired amusingly.

"Who… are… you… calling… Oogushi..kun?" Hijikata yelled with frustration. He withdrew his sword from its locked position with a strong shove and stepped back.

"Phew, you're in a really bad mood today" Gintoki complained shrugging his shoulders lightly. Hijikata wanted to bite the idiot's head off for the slack attitude.

"Whose fault do you think that is?" Hijikata bellowed.

"I don't know. I don't mingle with the gorilla police squad" Gintoki replied honestly.

A vein throbbed painfully in Hijikata's forehead. He felt his mind exploding with anger. He could no longer control his actions, therefore it was no surprise when his sword fell from his tight grip and landed on the floor. He took a few steps forwards towards the Yorozuya.

Gintoki who could only look at him with dismay was battling to keep his calm attitude.

"Oi, oi, Oogushi-kun what do you think you're-"

Hijikata grabbed Gintoki's shirt collar and punched him straight in the face. He could barely understand what he was doing, though venting his frustration had to give him some sort of answer. Beating Gintoki had to change something. Confronting his problem had to solve it in some way.

"You sick bastard! What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Gintoki shouted outraged while caressing his numb cheek "It hurts you know? Gin-san's face can't be handled like this!"

"You stupid perm creep! Do you think I give a damn about your face? It's all I want to forget!" Hijikata growled in disbelief. It had been a mistake to blurt out this seemingly naïve truth. Hijikata had no idea how big an impact such words had just caused on poor Gintoki. Although, the renewed sight of the latter's unusual stare was enough to startle Hijikata's dense personality once more. It made him think twice about what he had said, but nothing conclusive or shocking came to mind.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that again?" Hijikata scowled. For the first time he was regretting the small space between them. He should never have gotten so close the silver haired samurai. Gintoki's scent was beginning to engulf him wholly and bringing up the nostalgic memories he dreaded so much. _Damn it, not now!_

As Hijikata struggled with his own inner battle a hand came to rest on his shoulder. The once icy grip on Gintoki's shirt collar loosened and fell to nothingness. It was the Yorozuya's turn to engage in motion. The light touch on the uniform immediately brought Hijikata back to reality. He glued his eyes to the relaxed, firm hand under his chin and then he ventured a little farther daring to look ahead at Gintoki's face. Needless to say, every nanosecond seemed eternal. Everything about this moment was wrong, wrong, wrong. Yet nothing stopped. The two samurais were like actors in a movie, playing their roles diligently until the end, though Hijikata doubted any character possessed the emotional madness he was feeling right now.

Gintoki was close. Gintoki was very close. Perhaps more than comfortably close. In fact, when it concerned Gintoki there wasn't actually any kind of closeness acceptable. Only distance was allowed. Thus, Hijikata felt extremely reluctant. He had implemented all those futile rules to himself to prevent anything like this from ever happening. So why? Why the hell was this happening? Who did he have to kill to avoid this? His soul was grimacing. Hijikata Toushiro was officially scared. Every aspect of this vague relationship, of this rotten bond, everything about Sakata Gintoki was utterly, completely out of his hands. There was absolutely nothing he could control. The white haired man was unpredictable to the utmost remote clue and that scared Hijikata more than he would like it to irritate him. The intangible things such fickle person aroused in him gave birth to a strange fear Hijikata could not even recognize as his own. Who was he? Who had he become?

Gintoki's free hand came to rest on Hijikata's face. There was nothing but silence reining the alley. Not even Hijikata's panic breaths were exhaling successfully. He was terrified. His horror and his heart were clustered anxiously in his throat. His heartbeat was hammering painfully just beneath Gintoki's fingers. Hijikata wanted to punch him to death, he wanted to slay that unreadable gaze, to avert it from his own, but he couldn't. There was not a single movement he could make because those hands were on him, those eyes were tying him down and that sweet breath was paralyzing him. His body had surrendered regardless of the distress in his mind.

"Hijikata…" Gintoki's voice peeled the layers of Hijikata's courage. He wanted to hold on to something but he wasn't capable. Gintoki approached his face slowly, almost in slow motion, blinding Hijikata's sight with silvery light. _No, no, no…This bastard, he-_

Just when he thought the touch would finally take place, Gintoki halted. The hand on Hijikata's shoulder tightened with a momentary spasm and then it quickly drifted away. Gintoki took a few steps back, re-establishing the safe distance between them. The Vice Captain could only look at the expressionless face with shock.

"Very interesting…" Gintoki stated, placing a hand underneath his chin "You didn't fight back, not even a little microscopic bit"

The obvious statement, or rather observation, instigated Hijikata's dormant anger and he replied discomposed.

"I-I didn't expect you to act like a pervert!"

"Me? A pervert? You're the one who spies on happy couples in the middle of the night" Gintoki retorted. A soft shade of red tinged Hijikata's elegant features.

"Ah! Are you blushing Oogushi-kun?"

"Who's blushing you idiot!"

"You're sooo shy…"

Hijikata turned his back to retrieve his sword and hide his embarrassment. He was done with this farce. The only thing he wanted was to vanish from sight, to return to his barracks where he could inflict pain to people and dilute his shame; submerge entirely in his Vice Captain seat and forget this absurd part of his existence that he could not deal with.

"Disinfest!" he growled furiously before walking away. Unfortunately to his never-ending bad luck Gintoki followed him.

"Oi, oi, are you leaving Gin-san alone in these dark streets?"

"What does it look like I am doing?"

"Do you want the honest truth Oogushi-kun?" Gintoki asked sternly. Hijikata stopped in his tracks to survey the other man. The sudden change of tone in his voice surprised him.

"What?"

"You're just running away from me"

* * *

AN: Well, this was a little inside on Hijikata's mind. I think I did a good job on that. He is just so vulnerable to Gin-chan… hehe. My pervert mind knows it. Anyway, thanks a million for all the fantastic reviews. They give me outstanding amounts of motivation. Next chapter we are back to Gintoki's crazy mind. Look forward to it! Thanks! R&R

Last edited on July2013.


	3. When Dealing With Weird Feelings

Disclaimer: Gintama belongs to Hideaki Sorachi. Let's leave it at that.

* * *

Messing With A Rotten Bond Will Mess With Your Rotten Heart

Chapter 3: When Dealing With Weird Feelings Don't Read Weird Porn

* * *

Gintoki had absolutely no idea why he was doing whatever it was he was doing. Why he was blurting out those things, why he was stubbornly harassing the Demon Vice Captain. Such attitude was, in all its irony, amusing. Very amusing indeed, though Gintoki's muffled panic buried deep beneath his skin said otherwise. In fact, part of him was not the least bit entertained. It surprised even himself how calm, composed and relaxed he was, how not even a speck of his insecurity had overflowed to the outer world, how Hijikata hadn't sensed any of his utter madness yet. Perhaps it was the latter's naivety of mind which was withstanding said negligence but Gintoki doubted that severely. It was very probable that it was his own life experience the reason shielding him from any sort of physical embarrassment. Living with that unique shell of indifference had its benefits after all. However, who knew for how long these so called benefits would remain benefits solely.

That evening had been a childish whim of his to begin with. Gintoki should have never left home in the first place. His life since that awful event had become hell. He was never satisfied with anything anymore, his jobs were all more stupid than they had ever appeared to be, people's stupidity seemed to have finally overcome his and he couldn't handle it. He could not handle such degree of change. The sudden restlessness in his life was unbearable and he had to do another shameful mistake, even if the only thing he could accomplish by doing that was forgetting the last. He had to tarnish his pride a little more, take his humiliation another step further. He had to feel _that_ again. He had to go back to that moment so he could forget it entirely.

Hence Gintoki used the alluring power of hostesses and picked one himself. Obviously, it couldn't be just any one. It could not be the first friend Otae-san had at her disposal nor the one with the most perfect face and body. She had to be different than usual, with short dark hair and preferably tall about the same height as his. However, there was no such a girl around at the time. Besides short hair was not fashionable anymore. Long hair and pigtails were the hot topic among girls nowadays. Damned Edo.

The girl ended up being rather small and cute. Not what Gintoki wanted at all, but her hair… her hair was close to perfect. If he could just pay her to let him run his fingers through her hair and then leave he would be totally satisfied. Unfortunately, that was not how things worked, especially given the discretion Gintoki needed. The last thing he wanted was a whole army of people pointing their fingers at him and reminding him how big a pervert he was and how strange his fetishes were. He didn't want to shock poor Kagura and Shinpachi either. He had already safely hidden his porn just for their sakes.

Anyway, he had succeeded with the hostess and managed to lure her out of the bar. Everything went according to his pitiful plan. But of course the vexation in his life, his pet torment was not going to let him enjoy life fully nor to succumb to his dark pleasures without a shadow of remorse. Just when he was finally savoring the fantasy of caressing Hijikata's hair, the real one popped out of nowhere halting his heartbeat to a definite stop, scarring Gintoki's ego to indefinite lengths. At the time Gintoki had trembled, he had trembled to the marrow of his bones and his mind had replayed his drunken scene with Hijikata repeatedly. He could not believe what was happening, what the stupid Vice Captain was doing there or why the hell he had to appear at such a crucial moment. It was completely nuts and to make matters worse there was Gintoki shamefully indulging in his creepy desires right in front of him. He would have jumped into the nearest hole if there had been one.

Nonetheless, it was unbelievable how regardless of the mind-blowing madness that had unexpectedly occurred nothing had stopped Gintoki from being the taunting, devious person he was, which could explain why he was currently in the strange predicament of confronting Hijikata. The words were simply vomiting out of his mouth. He couldn't stop them. He couldn't stop the need to know why Hijikata was acting guarded, apprehensive and somewhat out of character. Gintoki had to know even if his tremendous clustered panic was beginning to drive him crazy and spreading horrified shouts throughout his brain. _What have I done? What the fuck was I doing? Why, why, oh God why? What was I thinking? Please someone, Sorachi-kun kill me! Erase my existence! Oi?! Are you denying salvation?! Please kill me!_

He could barely acknowledge that minutes ago he had dived down to Hijikata's lips. The breaths of the perplexed commander nuzzling his skin were fresh on his memory. The thought itself left Gintoki quite disturbed. If not for his weird spasms he would have definitely done it. He would have kissed Hijikata. Though how could he live with himself if he had? He didn't want to think about it, yet, it was the only thing on his mind. Clouding it and filling it with urges. There was no helping the lust in his gaze. Did he want to do it? Did he want to kiss Hijikata? _No way!_

"Who's running away idiot?!" Hijikata yelled back enraged. The boisterous reply brought Gintoki back to reality. His nonchalant demeanour immediately came to his rescue.

"Oi, oi, don't make me repeat myself. Take the wax out of your ears" Gintoki replied annoyed.

"Shut it perm haired freak! Are you messing with me?!"

"I wonder who's messing with whom!" Gintoki retorted sarcastically. Hijikata pulled out his lighter and lit a cigarette out of frustration.

"Just go back to your host girl" the Vice Captain sneered. The comment flared Gintoki's anger. He felt truly, honestly angry and incredibly offended for some reason. How dared that stupid Mayora spat that out! He was the one who had interrupted them because he had _something_ to say! He was the freaking enemy! The person Gintoki was trying to avoid the most, and yet… something wasn't right. A glimmer in their ambiance was different than usual. Things that normally wouldn't be felt, emotions that normally were bottled up, maybe even nonexistent, were now out in the open and flying about as the shameful consequences of an unexpected chain of events.

"What? Are you jealous Oogushi-kun?"

Hijikata flinched slightly but managed to keep his steady composure.

"Who? Me? You're the unpopular type dumbass! I'm not-"

"Shut up idiot! That's not what I meant!" Gintoki roared. He was shocked at the considerable small size his patience had shrunk to.

Meanwhile, Hijikata let the cigarette between his fingers slip to the ground. His face held a mix of confusion and indignation and Gintoki felt like slapping himself in the forehead for puking out the honest truth.

"Then what did you mean?" Hijikata deadpanned earnestly. A guilty flush took over Gintoki's features. Regret was beginning to eat his insides.

"Whatever, forget it!"

"Now I really want to know what stupid bullshit you meant, come on. Are you afraid?"

"Oi, oi Oogushi-kun you're pushing your luck bastard!"

"Wanna fight over it, aah?!"

"I'm a taxpayer, do you want to kill the person who pays for your tobacco supplies?"

"You don't even pay your rent you stupid natural perm!"

"Stop insulting Gin-san's hair!"

"Not until you spit out whatever it was you were saying idiot!"

"Ooooh really? Is that how you want to play? Then, first I want to hear what _you_, Oogushi-kun, have to say to _me_" Gintoki said deviously. He stepped forward and increased once more the awkward closeness between them.

"W-what are you talking about?" Hijikata loosened the grip on his sword and instantly pulled out another cigarette. The renewed short distance weakened his vigour incredibly.

"Eeeh? You don't remember? You ruined my chance with hostess-chan because you had _something_ to tell me, stupid Demon bastard!"

"You're delusional Yorozuya, I'm leaving!"

"Whaat? Are you kidding me? Do you want me to go fetch chapter two? I'll quote your stupid line asshole!"

"Hn, just leave me alone"

An awkward silence followed such retort. Hijikata turned his back and walked away silently, leaving a trail of smoke behind him. At this Gintoki could not but fume from his ears. How was it possible to be such an ass? _Is this guy for real?_ So he could do and say whatever he wanted, irritate Gintoki to the utmost extreme and then leave as if everything was right in the world?

"I don't think so!"

It all happened in a split second once Gintoki surrendered his judgment to irrationality. His legs lunged forward in a swift movement and his right hand successfully grabbed a hold of the Vice Captain's scarf. The soft fabric unfolded delicately and flew back to Gintoki's possession. Hijikata winced as the skin in his neck entered in contact with the cold night wind.

"What the fuck do you think your doing? Damn you!"

Gintoki smiled triumphantly and dangled the white expensive-looking piece of cloth in his hand.

"Bargain" he said mischievously.

"What bargain?"

"Oogushi-kun tells me his message and I give this back. Heh"

"Persistent little maggot! As if I would fall for a trick like that!" Hijikata scowled angry.

"Oohh, then you admit there is some truth to my trick?" Gintoki said playfully.

"What the hell are you saying?! Of course not! Give that back stupid!" Hijikata lunged in an attempt to take the scarf back.

"No, no, no. Didn't you hear what Gin-san said earlier? This is bargain, equivalent exchange"

"Equivalent exchange my ass! That's mine, give it back!"

"Hijikata's words are mine too so give them to their respective owner please"

"Tsk, don't give me that shit" Hijikata muttered. He managed to get a tight grip on Gintoki's forearm and pulled him closer. Instantly, the innocent action startled Gintoki greatly. The contact of Hijikata's skin with his own became the only sensation in the world temporarily and he lost track of his thoughts for a moment, though never loosing his grasp on the precious scarf much to the other man's frustration.

"Damn… it…!" While struggling to seize his piece of cloth back, Hijikata's head collided with Gintoki's substantial chest. The sudden shock made both realize the strange constricted comfort amidst all the proximity and they stopped. A staring contest ensued next, lasting for what seemed like eternity. Gintoki was prone to lose himself in the depths of his rival's dark azure eyes before the latter averted them deliberately in defeat.

"I'm sick of this. Do what you want Yorozuya I couldn't care less. I have work to do" Hijikata muttered dryly.

The unexpected withdrawal surprised Gintoki in a most disappointing fashion, but he was not going to let the Vice Captain walk away just yet. There were still a couple of things he needed to blurt out before being completely satisfied. Gintoki needed something more, substantial proof that this rotten bond wasn't more than a stupid rotten bond he could spit on any time he wanted. He needed that kind of assurance. He needed to silence the relentless beating of his heart that didn't make sense. He needed to end the unwanted wavering of his soul that almost made him laugh hysterically. Just looking at Hijikata's back made him feel pathetic. It stabbed his mind with undying anger. As if being a penniless, unpopular yorozuya wasn't enough! Was he, Sakata Gintoki, going to lose to a Shinsengumi dog?

"Just admit it stubborn bastard!" Gintoki shouted frustrated. The yell echoed throughout the alley and resounded in his ears. He was underlining the damned truth as clearly as possible "Just admit that you were jealous of hostess-chan back there!"

"W-wha?!" Hijikata stuttered perplexed. The Vice-Captain blushed all over the place and Gintoki couldn't help but grin widely at the innocent, uncontrollable reaction that made him feel utterly victorious and somehow happier than he wanted himself to admit. Gintoki put the scarf around his neck and adjusted it with a loose knot. The final blow had been dealt.

"I'm keeping this, Oogushi-kun" He replied happily with a wave. Hijikata's blush deepened and he vanished from sight with a loud angry yell in response.

"DIE!"

Gintoki shrugged his shoulders and watched the cigarette's smoke disappear in the distance.

"I win Hijikata"

* * *

"Eeh, Gin-chan looks happy today. Did you go spying on some innocent girl again?"

"Oi, Kagura-chan what are you saying? Girls your age shouldn't say those things!" Shinpachi interrupted shocked.

Gintoki sighed and sat in his swivel chair tiredly. It wasn't his fault that he looked happy, he just couldn't help it. A sweet, fluttering feeling had attached itself to his stomach and he wasn't going to nudge it away any time soon. Moreover, the fact that he was ignoring the cause of such feeling made it all the more effortless to bear, though it wasn't really a question of bearing but actually of accepting. So Gintoki was very willing to accept. The layers of his pride were also kindly regenerating and he felt quite at peace with the world once again. Whatever kind of proof or conclusion his earlier confrontation had given him he didn't understand thoroughly, but the sight of a blushing Hijikata and a memento from the same were everything Gintoki needed to be sincerely pleased. It delighted him how transparent the demon Vice Captain had been, but it worried him equally as much since the essence of such bond was still something terrifyingly strange. It was if anything, something new. However, Gintoki was determined not to reflect upon the subject too deeply. It was difficult to admit, embarrassing to think about and somewhat hopeless. He didn't have a clue about what to do with those emotions. The only thing he could do was wondering and replaying his entitled "victory" over and over again in his head.

"Oooh, what is this Gin-chan? A present from your girlfriend?" Kagura asked curiously. She stretched her arm over the desk and pointed to the white scarf around Gintoki's neck. The latter brushed her hand away and proceeded to unfold the soft fabric and store it away.

"It's nothing. I found it on the floor…"

"What? Stop lying Gin-san, even I can tell that's some expensive scarf" Shinpachi said moving closer to look at the pretty cloth.

"Really? Lucky me then"

"Yes, it's great! We can sell it and pay this month's rent right?"

"What?! Of course not!" Gintoki blurted outraged. The thought of being separated from the precious scarf was inconceivable.

"What do you mean? We don't have any money, not even for tomorrow's dinner!" Shinpachi reasoned.

"I don't care, this scarf isn't going anywhere"

"Gin-chan! Do you want us to starve to death? Look at poor Sadaharu… he is all bones and fur" Kagura said with puppy eyes. She ran to the gigantic fluffy dog and hugged it compassionately.

"Ah!" Gintoki scowled "What bones and fur?! All I see is a big chunk of meat! If we scraped its skin and roasted the rest we could have steak every meal for at least a month-"

CHOMP!

"Oi, oi, Kagura, take this giant dog off me! I'm bleeding, oi!"

Kagura threw a harsh glare at Gintoki and picked her nose.

"Eeh? Shinpachi-kun, am I hearing things now? What was it? A fly?"

"Oi Kagura-chan don't be like that, help me take Sadaharu-"

"Don't stand there talking, do something!"

"I'm trying!" Shinpachi replied irritated.

"No you're not! Help me oi!"

"Gin-san just apologize to Sadaharu. He wouldn't want to be roasted you know?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry gigantic monster, now get the hell off me!"

"That was not a sincere apology"

"Right, Sadaharu didn't feel it either!" Kagura nodded.

"As if he could feel anything…." Gintoki mumbled to himself "Sorry Sadaharu I won't roast you" he finally said patting the dog slightly. Sadaharu detached its teeth from Gintoki's head and trotted away towards Kagura.

"That's more like it" she said happily. Gintoki cursed angrily and caressed his bleeding forehead.

"Anyway, Gin-san, about the scarf-"

"I don't wanna hear another word about it! I'm going to sleep! Goodnight!" And with that Gintoki slid shut the door to his bedroom.

"Don't come crying to me if you have to eat Aneue's fried eggs for the rest of your life!" Shinpachi growled annoyed. He then bade goodbye to Kagura and left for his sister's dojo while ranting about how little money they had. Kagura who had been alienated from the brief argument, fed Sadaharu and went to sleep as well.

"Damn those kids and the stupid dog…" Gintoki muttered angrily. He dressed his pajamas and got into bed. His mind was filled with pestering thoughts of the two teenagers and Sadaharu's teeth marks felt painfully sore. _Damn it!_ Gintoki pulled the covers stubbornly over his head and once comfortably spread across the futon he took his time to curse the two little devils as much as he wanted. What the hell was wrong with their heads to be treating their guardian like that? _I guess I couldn't expect less from an alien girl and a virgin otaku… what a pain... troublesome, troublesome, troublesome..._

A short while afterwards sleep came fidgeting at the corner of his eyes and Gintoki felt his eyelids began to shut. As he slowly succumbed to his slumber, remnants of the day crossed his mind in a blur and suddenly his sleepy numbness was brought to a halt by a disquieting image. _Hijikata._

"Shit…"

Gintoki closed his eyes and tried to recall sleep once again, yet all he could recall were more images of the Shinsengumi Vice Commander.

"Is this for real...?"

He closed his eyes once more. _Come on sleep fairy, come, come, come, come –_

"_Sorry to ruin your moment but I really need to have a word with you"_

"_You stupid curly perm creep! Do you think I give a damn about your face? __It's all I want to forget!"_

"_I-I didn't expect you to act like a pervert!"_

"_DIE!"_

Gintoki sat up and groped around the tatami floor. An uncontrollable urge was tugging at his nerves and commanding his actions. An unprecedented anxiety was beating madly in his heart.

"Where is it?"

After searching around the futon Gintoki finally found what he was looking for. He moved a little closer to the window in order to examine the piece of cloth in its entirety. The moonlight bathed the pearly white scarf gently and conceded it a nice shiny glint that compelled Gintoki to smell it. He brought the soft fabric up to his face and inhaled the strong though familiar tobacco scent he knew perhaps too well for his own good.

"Smells like Hijikata…"

Needless to say, Sakata Gintoki's night was a very pleasing one in the company of a certain memento.

* * *

"Oi, what are we doing here? I already bought this week's Jump" Gintoki said mildly irritated. He had been unwillingly dragged to the nearest bookstore by his two taunting goons.

"Shinpachi came to buy Otsuu-chan's doujinshi and I tagged along to read shoujo manga" Kagura said with a piece of sukonbu in her mouth. Gintoki sighed.

"Oi Kagura-chan, you're not going to buy it? The shop owner will kick you out"

"Let's see him try" she said devilishly. Gintoki shook his head disapprovingly and skittered away from the short girl.

"Tsk. Every single one of them… It's one freak after the other" he muttered to himself frustrated while wandering aimlessly through the stacks of bookshelves. He glanced around at the myriads of different comics to amuse himself and soon he reached a secluded section he was not familiar with. _Yaoi?_ His eyebrow was automatically furrowed.

"Eh, what's this?" Gintoki picked up a random comic and skimmed its pages carelessly. It didn't take long for his cheeks to attain a deep red colour.

"W-What t-the hell…? Who reads this?!"

His eyes widened as far as physically possible. His orbs were absorbing the shocking contents with a mix of awe and horror. The two male characters caressing each other in all the wrong places were scarring the pit of Gintoki's memory, though he couldn't take his eyes off the book. He felt his palms sweaty and his neck burning with flames. _This, this…_ Gintoki picked up another book absentmindedly. Somehow everything about these books was making complete sense in his mind and filling an empty gap in his reasoning. Not that Gintoki had never seen sex before, much less porn, but between two men? No, never. Yet, the images were giving him a strange feeling of hope. Hope like he had never had before. _Hope of what?_

"Gin-chan~~ We're leaving!" Kagura's high pitched voice rang from a distant spot in the shop. Gintoki immediately put down the book and strolled away. It was near useless trying not to think about the homosexual content by now. He was blindsided.

"Gin-chan you're cheeks are pink. Were you reading some naughty stuff?" Kagura teased playfully. Gintoki slapped her in the head and stepped out of the bookstore.

"Don't make fun of a man's pride Kagura-chan" he told her coolly while crossing his arms over his head. _Relax, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax_ Gintoki told himself. _It's not like I'm the first person on the planet seeing that! _

A very annoying voice then came echoing near Gintoki's ears and to his dismay it wasn't Kagura's. It belonged to last person in the world Gintoki wanted to see right now.

"I don't see much pride left in you Yorozuya" Hijikata's voice pierced him painfully like an arrow, however, not nearly as intensely as his gaze.

"Who are you to talk about pride Hijikata-san, or should I say Mayora-"

"Shut it Sougo!"

"Oh! It's Danna~" the young Shinsengumi officer greeted stoically.

"You still give off that slacking aura as always Okita-kun" Gintoki told him casually, thrusting aside all the pervert thoughts that were swarming in his head. He had to control himself; he had to avoid looking at the Vice Captain.

"Oh Okita-san, Hijikata-san" Shinpachi caught up with them and greeted both officers with a bow. Kagura simply glared at Okita with pure hatred which the latter was unable to ignore.

"Oi, Kagura-chan stop that, you're being rude" Shinpachi whispered at her ear.

"What? This piece of crap right here just fills me with unborn hate, it's not like I can't help it"

"Look at the little China midget talking. I can beat you to a pulp you know?" Okita said menacingly without bulging.

"Oi Shinpachi, did you heard what the creep just said? He-"

"Kagura-chan stop it!"

"..."

Gintoki tried his best to stay focused on the idiotic fight but Hijikata's quiet, silent demeanor couldn't be more disgruntling. He would have to talk to him eventually, but right now all Gintoki could do was stripping the Vice Captain down with his bare eyes. The freaking comics were robbing him of his sanity. The same urge he had had the day before to kiss the stupid asshole was crawling on his skin again. _Damn it!_ His will was not very obliging at the moment and his body was acting on his own once more. Gintoki lifted his eyes subtly to take a glimpse at Hijikata. It wasn't that much of a surprise when Hijikata's mesmerizing stare locked with his own. Gintoki wanted to read whatever thoughts were on the other man's head. What he was feeling, what were his worries, what were his desires, he wanted it all for himself. Though, it wasn't that hard to speculate once Hijikata broke eye contact. _D-Did he blush just now?_ Gintoki's heart started beating a thousand per minute. He wasn't denying his emotions anymore, if he was at least his urges he definitely wasn't. He honestly wanted to touch Hijikata right now.

"What girl? I only see a mountain gorilla here"

"What did you say you sack of snot?!"

"Kagura-chan calm down!"

"…"

Gintoki managed to successfully shift his gaze away from the Vice Captain's alluring features though only to notice the bare, naked skin on his neck. Hijikata's shirt was slightly open and his collarbone could scantly be seen. A grin threatened to spread across Gintoki's face.

"Oi, did you lose your scarf Oogushi-kun?"

The innocent humorous question was enough to flare the dark haired policeman.

"Hmph, do you want me to cut your scalp, wavy perm head?" Hijikata muttered. His hand instantly came to rest on his sword handle.

"Haha, I was just joking, no need to be so serious Oogushi-kun"

"Don't tempt me bastard"

Gintoki chuckled. He glanced at the three loud youths beside him and once he saw them fully distracted he approached the Vice Captain gingerly. He placed a hand above the one on Hijikata's sword handle to prevent him from drawing and then he leaned closer. His lips were barely an inch from Hijikata's ear.

"I'll return Oogushi-kun's scarf tonight. Wait for me"

A second later Gintoki was already in his previous spot complaining.

"You three look like wild monkeys could you stop it please? Gin-san is hungry, let's go eat a parfait somewhere"

"What parfait?! We don't have a cent you idiot!" Shinpachi yelled enraged.

"That's because you spent everything on your stupid memorabilia!"

"What stupid memorabilia?! Otsuu-chan's new CD and manga…"

Gintoki looked at Hijikata's motionless figure through the corners of his eyes. The shy, embarrassed look on his face was priceless. Gintoki could barely contain the burst of euphoria swallowing his whole being at the sight.

_Wait for me…._

* * *

AN: Well, this was a hard chapter to write. Awfully hard. I wanted to make the change in Gin-chan's feelings perceptible but not too obvious *sigh* I really do everything I can to keep these people IC. I hope I'm doing a satisfying job. Well, once again thanks for the awesome reviews and favourites and alerts. I'm really happy that people like this story. I probably will exceed the number of chapters I planned for this, but… who knows. Maybe it will turn out fine in the end. R&R

Last edited on July2013.


	4. Problems Of Expression Resume To

Disclaimer: Gintama belongs to Hideaki Sorachi. Let's leave it at that.

* * *

Messing With a Rotten Bond Will Mess With Your Rotten Heart

Chapter 4: Problems Of Expression Resume To Stupidity

* * *

_Unbelievable._

The current state of affairs was simply unbelievable. Hijikata could barely acknowledge anything about the situation. How had things turned out this way? Why was he stupidly, steadily waiting? Why? Why? Why? At some point he gave up trying to find the answer. It was simply useless since his body would just not bulge. He was self-confined to his room, locked unwillingly by a monstrous unconscious strength he didn't knew he had. His stubbornness was breaking new records. This was inexcusable, stupid, shameful even. Hijikata was close to suicidal. This hateful behavior…. Who was he? A fifteen year old?! Shit no!

His unwavering patience, his strange growing tolerance was murdering. However, the things bothering him the most apart from himself were the whispers and looks he got from his subordinates. Fortunately, there weren't many who could indeed sense the uncommon actions of the Vice Captain, yet, those annoying obnoxious bastards who could were driving him crazy, especially Sougo. The damned kid was worse than usual. Hijikata had spent the entire day looking for an opportunity to sentence him to seppuku though to no avail. The little devil was indeed a master when it came to torturing his superior.

"Tsk"

In any case, Hijikata was far from satisfied by solely blaming his idiotic Shinsengumi underlings. There was obviously a bigger evil, the great catalyst, the person he wanted to murder most on the face of the Earth. However he did not dare to think about such person. It was too embarrassing, too painful and too unbearable to think about the stupid perm asshole. Hijikata almost wished he was deaf. The memory of that cool apathetic voice numbed his senses and left him glued to the floor waiting, just like he had been told to.

"_Wait for me…"_

It pissed the living hell out of him how those few words shook him wholly and left him rooted to the floor.

"How obedient… Hijikata-san looks like an abandoned dog waiting for a-"

"SOUGO!" Hijikata instantly unsheathed his sword and sent it flying in the intruder's direction. It was clear he did not like to be seen in such a disgraceful state nor to be held with contempt or ridicule.

"No need to be so sensitive Hijikata-san…" Okita said stoically after catching the sword with his bare hands.

"LEAVE. NOW!" the older man bellowed with a pointing gesture. He really could not handle more harassment from the kid. Not today.

"Sure, sure… who wants to see the dirty things you're about to do…" the young officer mumbled morosely.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

"Nothing, nothing… Goodnight" Okita said with a sneer before sliding the bedroom door shut. Hijikata got up to double check Okita's absence and then returned to his previous spot.

"Damned Sougo…"

He lit perhaps the hundredth cigarette that night. The nicotine was the sole thing keeping him sane. It distracted him from worrying thoughts and drove the haunting images of Sakata Gintoki away. Nevertheless as time flew by, the tobacco's effectiveness easily became weaker and weaker. The question jabbing at Hijikata's mind, asking him why he was still sitting there waiting, turned into a rage-inflicting wonder: why wasn't that bastard coming? Hijikata's veins throbbed with bubbling fury. How dared that perm head play with him like this?! Hijikata shouldn't have gone patrolling that morning, damn it! He just had to bump into that shithead, didn't he? The meeting had disgruntled him completely. Hijikata could only guess how dumb his cold unassuming mask must have looked like. He had been caught totally off guard. His silence had proven it. Yet, that damned sugar freak had to turn the bad absolutely worse and evade his personal space. Whisper those things in his ear and toy with him with that nerve-racking personality of his.

"I'm gonna kill that bastard!" Hijikata kicked the nearest object to let off some steam. He felt so angry at everything he wanted to destroy the world. Why did it have to be that guy? Why? It was close to comical attaching any kind of meaning to whatever it was they had. Although, it couldn't be denied that they were more than strangers. That was certain, but irritating as hell too.

"Fucking asshole!"

Hijikata felt tainted. He wanted to tear all the feelings he had to shreds, he wanted to strip off his emotions and pose under his fearsome Vice Captain seat with ease just like he used to. The rotten bond he had unwillingly created with the damned white haired samurai was tying him down, robbing him of his freedom. He simply wanted that prized possession back. It was useless to try and justify anything concerning such relationship, if things got even more complex Hijikata would never see the end of it. So, things resumed to him getting his scarf back and discarding the idiot aside. Simple as that.

Hijikata exhaled some smoke and sighed.

"Eeeeeh…! It's amazing how you're still alive, smoking like that"

Hijikata's heart fell to the floor with shock and he immediately turned his head towards the door that lead to the porch. A silver gleaming head peaked inside his bedroom.

"Hey" Gintoki greeted, casually raising an innocent hand. Hijikata scowled.

"Don't "hey" me! What are you doing creeping up on me like that perm head?!"

"Oi, oi I just got here" Gintoki complained. He sneaked inside in a cat-like fashion and then slid shut the door behind him. An awkward silence followed and Hijikata averted his gaze. His mind was racing uncontrollably. Between the realization that the stupid man had in fact appeared and baseless frustration, Hijikata could only fidget with anxiety and a strange twinge of happiness. Damn it. He could not even look the asshole in the eye.

"Aah. Were you possibly waiting for me Oogushi-kun?" Gintoki queried curiously.

"Who's waiting!" Hijikata snapped angrily. Gintoki sighed and proceeded to scan the room mildly.

"Aah… your futon is ready too. You were really waiting" Gintoki said apathetically, though quite in disbelief. Hijikata put out the cigarette with fury and dismissed the comment with vigor. He didn't need this; he didn't need to hear any of this crap.

"You came here to return the scarf, right perm head?" Hijikata ascertained determinedly "So hurry up and do it. I don't have time to waste with you"

"Eeeh? Seriously? Your actions seem very doubtful" Gintoki mocked sternly.

"Shut it!" Hijikata hissed. He stretched his hand to the white haired man and glared angrily at him "Give it back asshole"

Gintoki stared flatly at the other man's hand and returned the cold look.

"Is that how you ask for something? Don't you have any manners?"

"Who are you to talk about manners shitty perm?! Look at that kimono! You don't even dress that properly, stupid!"

"What did you say?!" Gintoki snarled "This is fashion. Fa-shion! A JUMP hero needs to have a distinctive silhouette! This kimono is deliberately dressed for that purpose!"

"My Shinsengumi uniform is exactly the same! So give back the scarf, idiot!" Hijikata yelled enraged.

"Ok, ok, I heard it Mayora bastard… sheesh!" Gintoki muttered annoyed while scratching the back of his neck. He slid a hand inside his kimono and took out the soft, silky scarf. He dangled the white cloth in his hand and after taking a last glimpse at it Gintoki turned once again to Hijikata.

"You really want it, right?" he asked enigmatically. Hijikata's heart swelled slightly at the sudden eye contact. What nonsense was he talking about? And why was he looking at him like that again? The dead-fish eyes were messing Hijikata's train of thought completely. Fortunately, his brain was able to cope successfully with the unexpected response of his body.

"Of course I want it! Are you kidding me?!"

"But I could really use some expensive looking stuff like this" Gintoki replied somewhat sadly. Hijikata slapped the coffee table near him desperately.

"Don't fuck with me! Just stop babbling and give that back, damn it!"

"Oi, oi Vice Commander-san, you should watch that temper of yours, it's really annoying"

"YOU're annoying! Hurry up and go home!"

"Eeeh, you want me to leave that badly?"

"Damn right I do!"

"…"

Gintoki's silence startled Hijikata severely. Maybe more than he ever thought possible. Obviously, not having to hear the obnoxious kook complaining and ranting all the time was something Hijikata truly esteemed, however, now it seemed almost surreal. He would take any of that idiot's tirades as long as it replaced the incredible awkward silence that reined in the room at the moment. Every breath roared, each heartbeat scared him beyond comprehension. The idea that Gintoki could possibly sense all of this was overwhelming. Now that he had come, all Hijikata wanted was for him to go away. It was absurd. Being out of control was definitely frightening. Hijikata was learning it the hard way.

"Here"

The bored, flat voice brought Hijkata back to Earth from his inner musings.

"Hm?"

Gintoki was as dangerously close as ever. Hijikata couldn't help but gasp. The cunning samurai had taken the opportunity to wander a little farther and enter the Vice Captain's reach.

"W-what?" Hijikata stuttered a little discomposed. Gintoki looked at him expressionless and then smirked.

"I'm returning the scarf to its owner. That's Oogushi-kun's neck, right?"

"Wha-"

Gintoki's hands were faster and by the time Hijikata noticed, his scarf was already being clumsily folded around his neck. He felt his whole collarbone burning. In fact, it took him a great amount of sobriety to remain calm and prevent any kind of blush.

"What are you? My mother?! Take your hands off!" Hijikata growled embarrassed, brushing Gintoki's hands away. The smallest touch was quite uncomfortable. Hijikata's nerves seemed to have boosted up to the utmost sensitivity.

"I was only being nice, ungrateful bastard" Gintoki muttered irritated.

"Whatever, I don't need that. You-" Hijikata abruptly stopped his speech as he surveyed his beloved scarf cautiously. He brought the cloth to his eye level and grimaced.

"What. Is. This?" He asked quite in shock. Gintoki was already by the exit door preparing his escape when Hijikata looked up at him.

"What are you babbling about, demon Mayora? Is your eyesight bad? I swear that is your s-"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

"Oi, oi Oogushi-kun you'll wake up the entire barracks with that tone…" Gintoki whispered seriously.

"Yoouuu… What the fuck did you do with this?!" Hijikata could barely believe his eyes. He ripped the scarf from his neck and threw it to the floor disgusted.

"Ah! It's time for my favorite drama, see ya-"

"Where do you think you're going perm head?!" Hijikata quickly grabbed the collar of Gintoki's kimono and pulled him back.

"Are you spouting nonsense now? I'm going home, damn Shinsengumi freak. I'm leaving just like you wanted!"

"Don't change the subject! Look at this, bastard!" Hijikata pointed to the fallen scarf enraged "Look! Look closely! Explain that!" Hijikata demanded. Gintoki laughed uncomfortably and averted his gaze the opposite way.

"W-what? Oh! Is that Yamazaki-kun? Yamazaki-kun!"

"Yamazaki?" Hijikata immediately looked at the door horrified, though there was no Yamazaki in sight.

"Hahaha! Can't believe you fell for that one Oogushi-kun. What an idiot! Bwahahaha!" Gintoki giggled amused. Hijikata's eyebrow twitched. He reached for his sword and unsheathed it with amazing speed.

"You're not leaving until you tell me exactly what happened to my scarf asshole" Hijikata stated, his sword pointing straight at Gintoki.

"Haha…eeh, you see… haha…" the penniless samurai mumbled embarrassed but was clearly at ease.

Hijikata felt like fuming. He wanted to slice the stupid Yorozuya so bad he could not believe he was still standing there fumbling with words. What the hell had that bastard done with the damned piece of cloth? Hijikata was afraid to even imagine. He had instantly noticed there was something wrong with it once the idiot had put it around his neck. The weird smell and the subtle stains had given it away pretty quickly.

"You know, this and that… haha" Gintoki said shyly.

"This and that?"

"Yeah… this and that…"

"…" Hijikata stared at Gintoki confused. He wasn't entirely catching up to the conversation. What did the stupid perm head mean? The Vice Captain glanced momentarily towards the scarf trying to pick up some piece of information that escaped his reason.

"I don't'… what does that mean-"

"Oi, Oogushi-kun, are you that dense? It's not cute you know?" Gintoki chided. Hijikata, unable to suppress the blush that crept up his features this time, reached for his pack of cigarettes. However, Gintoki stopped him halfway.

"What are you doing?" he queried directly.

"I need a smoke dumbass"

"I can see that, but I'm not going to let you do that right before my demonstration"

"What demonstration?" Hijikata growled.

"Of this and that"

"Uh?"

From there on it was a true roller-coaster. Nothing that came after that statement could have been predicted by the poor innocent Hijikata. Everything he had dreaded for the past weeks, all that haunted his dreams, every single consequence of this fated relationship was about to be twisted into a whole new level of intimacy the Demon Vice Captain could never have imagined, and if indeed he had, he certainly did not think it could become real.

Gintoki's hands first latched onto the sides of Hijikata's face and stood there throughout the initial kiss so as not to let the surprised man go. In truth, they were rather useless since Hijikata was completely petrified. The feeling of Gintoki's lips touching his was taking too much of his being to let him be rational of anything else, and such fact itself was devastating in a strange positive way Hijikata desperately wanted to deny. It was not that he had never kissed another person before; it was not even the fact that it was another man pressing his mouth against his that was disgruntling. What really shook him was Gintoki himself, the raw, crushing realization that those hands gently caressing his face were Gintoki's and that the soft brushing sensation on his lips was Gintoki's. It didn't make sense. It was so absolutely out of this world, it could not be believed.

Hijikata then felt fingers running through his hair and when said hands entered in contact with the back of his neck the sudden cold touch startled him automatically making him gasp. At this, Gintoki assaulted further and was able to slide his tongue through Hijikata's parted lips. Now it sure was chaos.

Hijikata struggled with the intrusion and touch which seemed to be spreading everywhere, bringing forth a nasty shade of red. His mind was in turmoil, racing among feelings of shock, aversion, refusal, acceptance and a myriad others. Eventually, he managed to break contact by pushing Gintoki's chest away though the silver haired man barely gave him time to breath before recapturing his lips.

"Wai-… stop…!"

The panic the situation aroused was gigantic to the point Hijjikata no longer felt the furious beating of his heart or the massive heat scalding his entire body. Any regular human being would have already lost count of the dozens of curses that ran through his head. Gintoki's last bold charge elicited lustful instincts which had been previously locked awa, and soon Hijkata found himself responding to the kiss much to Gintoki's surprise. The latter stopped at once.

"No way…" he mumbled perplexed. His eyes were unusually widened, mirroring his total puzzlement.

Hijikata who probably had the most intoxicated pleased expression ever took a while to sober up. When he did so, the colossal mortification jolted him with anger. He needed to feel something he understood, he needed to cling to something even if that ended up being his imprinted rage.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Hijikata quickly burst alarmed. He brought a timid palm to his face to hide the maddening blush.

"That's what I want to ask you!" Gintoki replied still quite taken aback.

"I-I- Damn it! Weren't you leaving, bastard?! Shit…" Hijikata swallowed hard and turned his back absentmindedly. His actions were in total disarray with his feelings.

"Aah! Give me a break! Don't turn your back on me coward!" Gintoki growled frustrated. He took a few steps closer but before he could touch the Vice-Captain the latter rapidly slapped his hand away.

"Don't touch me!"

"Hijika-"

"Shut up and go away! Damn it!"

"Yeah right! Don't fuck with me. Come here-"

"I told you…" Hijikata's hand was grasping his sword tightly once again "To get the fuck out! Leave!"

Hijikata was not looking the Yorozuya in the eye. He simply couldn't. What more would he unravel, how much more would arise if they kept going that way? Why were they in such an entanglement to begin with?

"Wait, let me-"

The Vice-Commander didn't let the samurai finish. After gathering an immense amount of strength he grabbed the other's collar and dragged him outside. Then he slid the door shut without spitting out a single word.

"What the fuck…" It was basically all Hijikata could say. He needed to forget this. He needed to forget this event and all the confusion he could not comprehend. He needed to sleep; if not that, he needed to drink.

"Shit"

Hijikata put down his sword, leaning it securely against the wall and then began to undress. He was going to get into his yukata and sleep it all away. Although he doubted severely he would be able to fall asleep. The image of Gintoki kissing him was so much beyond lingering; it was likely ever-present. Hijikata touched his lips in disbelief. Had it really happened?

As he stared hazily into the distance, still half-naked, he glimpsed a glimmer in his sword. It was reflecting a strange silver color.

"Huh?!"

Hijikata turned around abruptly and met Gintoki's weird gaze.

"Why are you still here?! Are you a pervert stalker, damned asshole?!" Hijikata sensed his heart pumping near his throat.

"I forgot my boot somewhere in here…"

"What the hell?! Like it would be here! Aren't you wearing it dumbass?!"

"Oh! I am! Silly me… hehe" Gintoki laughed weakly.

"What are you doing? I told you to leave, not to enter! Go away!" Hijikata pressed with dread. His exposed skin felt oddly in danger.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist Oogushi-kun stripping"

"What are you saying?!" Hijikata's voice was so dry it almost became a whisper.

"It's stronger than me…" Gintoki said flatly "… this urge"

He walked up to Hijikata calmly, not faltering when the latter retreated slightly.

"You know, it's really strange to see you like this" Gintoki said with a smile "Are you afraid?"

Hijikata could not bring himself to answer. He was too proud to do it and too self-aware as well. As if he could tell the stupid Yorozuya something like that. Like hell he could!

Gintoki grinned.

"I can't believe Oogushi-kun is in love with me. Should I be flattered?"

"You never stop spouting shit like that, do you?" Hijikata muttered angrily. He was not going to allow such a condescending tone towards him. Who the fuck did that asshole think he was, uh?

"It's not my fault, oi"

"Whatever! Why are you still here?!"

"My body refuses to leave. Also not my fault"

"Oi, are you kidding me? It's obviously ALL your fault, stupid shithead!"

"Eeh?! Who the hell do you think you're talking to, demon-bastard?! I'm the object of your affections oi!"

"Save that to your favorite hostess dumbass! Don't make me puke!"

"Yeah, we've already had enough of that, haven't we?" Gintoki sneered.

"What about you, Jerk-off-san?! How many times have you done it in this fic? You're tainting the whole reading asshole!"

"S-shut it!"

"Hmph. Right on the spot, uh?" Hijikata smirked feeling somehow triumphant.

"W-what spot?! You're the one half naked here! Don't you feel any shame?"

"You're the one peeping, pervert sicko!"

"I couldn't help it! It's my nature"

"You just admitted it idiot!"

"Yeah I admitted it! You're the only stupid delusional bastard who doesn't! Come on, admit you like Gin-san and make this all easier for both of us"

Hijikata blushed deeply and averted his gaze.

"L-like I care!"

Gintoki thrust his head back in desperation and groaned.

"Sooooo annoying!"

"W-who is?!"

"You. It's all about you, isn't it?" Gintoki said quite angry. Hijikata felt a little startled. When Gintoki's hand came to rest on his bare tight a loud gasp escaped his lips.

"Aah~!"

"Could you stop that? You're making Gin-san pretty hard. It was already bad when you kissed me back" Gintoki complained. Nevertheless his hand did not abandon its spot and soon the other followed up Hijikata's legs and then brushed back the unbuttoned shirt to access his partially covered chest.

The subtle moves were enough to make Hijikata pant and hold his breath, and when Gintoki began kissing the curve of his neck it was impossible not to let out a blissful moan. Hijikata felt the white haired man's smile on his skin and as the kisses and caresses traveled up to his earlobe, the blank in his mind expanded greatly. The more devoid of reason he felt, the more enjoyable everything became.

"Are you surrendering Hijikata-kun?" Gintoki whispered deviously by his ear.

Hijikata grimaced softly and looked at the sword by his side. He reached out his arm towards the handle but stopped when Gintoki's hand seized his. For a second Hijikata thought about wrestling against it, but once those devoted fingers intertwined with his own he yielded completely.

Gintoki smirked happily and captured his lips yearningly.

* * *

AN: Hehe. Took me a while to get here, but college does take a toll on me. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. I'm not particularly good with the R-rated scenes so don't expect too much. However do not despair dear readers! I'm not giving up my smut, for as mediocre as it may be. Lol. Well, I'm really glad people are still reading this. I'm still not sure what to write next, but expect more of Gin-chan's point of view. You must know the drill by now. Please read and review! Thank you very much!

Last edited on July 2013.


	5. Flashbacks Are the Best Thing

Disclaimer: Gintama belongs to Hideaki Sorachi. Let's leave it at that.

* * *

Messing With a Rotten Bond Will Mess With Your Rotten Heart

Chapter 5: Flashbacks Are the Best Thing of the Aftermath

* * *

It is a known fact that there are countless beautiful things in the world. Beauty such, that it would be understandable if it were occasionally overestimated. Unfortunately, beauty varies and so does each person's perspective of it. Unknown to most, this inconstancy of beauty can achieve once in a while the highest degree of despair and that is precisely what one could say to describe Gintoki's thoughts at the moment. The right and wrong of beauty. The right and wrong of a sleeping Hijikata in his arms.

Aside from this utter pathetic truth, which would still not dig deep enough into Gintoki's brain for him to acknowledge the situation completely, the small facts of life were driving him nearly insane. Though this was just another consequence of his strange obnoxious personality, Gintoki could not stop blaming his stupid biological clock. Why did he have to wake up first? It was just damn right unfair. If it had been Demon Mayora he could have left with a sly remark and patched things over. But noooo. Things never went Gintoki's way. Hell no. They went the opposite direction, as if to test him. What was this supposed to be? A trial? A freaking demonic trial? Divine punishment? _Punishment my ass!_ Consensual. Everything up until now had been consensual. All of it. _Right?_

Gintoki gave a quick glimpse to the exposed back next to him.

_Shit_.

Was this what people called guilty pleasure? Not that it mattered much now, since the damage had been done, though Gintoki could be forgiven. How the hell could he have neglected that shy blushing Hijikata?! Just remembering it sent needless shivers run down his spine.

"Damn it"

What the fuck had happened to him? Why was this so hard to admit? Was it because he was sober? Sober from a high dose of Oogushi-kun's cuteness? How stupid! Gintoki scratched his forehead furiously. What was he supposed to do? What should he do? Amidst all the regret, which was obviously immense, probably enough to feed the entire galaxy if edible, Gintoki almost succumbed to his growing panic. Panic beyond borders. He was not the kind to hit and run or fuss about things. Gintoki prided himself of being a decent human being. He had to think about this seriously but accounting for the party involved it was 99.9% impossible. That bastard… The sole fact that it concerned Hijikata was hateful. _Why him? Why him? Damn, damn, damn._ Gintoki truly wanted to flee his ass out of there like a Final Fantasy character before the Final Boss, but he couldn't. He had to be responsible for his actions. He was a responsible adult so it was only right to face the situation- _Fuck it! How the hell am I going to take responsibility for this shit?! He is going to dissect me once he wakes up!_

Hard to admit as it was, Gintoki would have done better if he had kept the fucking scarf and jerked off in his room for all eternity. It would have been so much better than the current situation or at least what the past one had led to. However, nothing could compare to the lustful events of the previous night, that was certain. In that sense it had paid of. He had done the right thing- _No, no, no, no, no, no! _It couldn't be. Nooooo!

This hideous paradox raised a pretty interesting question nevertheless. When had he, Sakata Gintoki, crossed _the_ line? When had he lost himself to the other side? Men had never been an issue like this. Men had been friends, comrades, family even, but not this. Not Hijikata. Not lovers. So why now? Why that sick Mayora jerk? Ok, Gintoki had not made things difficult, he knew that. In fact, teasing Hijikata all those times had been quite enjoyable. Yet, did this all happen because his original motives had changed halfway? What were his original motives to begin with? Did he want to get noticed by that freak? Gintoki refused to believe himself _that_ miserable.

"Mmn…"

The sudden groan brought Gintoki's mind back to Earth. He glanced sideways holding back his fear.

"…cold" Hijikata uttered angrily while still half asleep. He drew closer and snuggled against Gintoki's chest.

_IDIOT! What are you doing? Do you want me to die of shock? Shoo! Shoo! _

Obviously, none of Gintoki's inner shouts were heard. He couldn't possibly shove away the damn sparkling bastard. Instead, he wondered how he had not woken up yet with the insane loud beating of his heart. It could not be stopped or prevented. It was how raw Hijikata made him feel.

"Asshole" Gintoki whispered, strangely devoid of frustration. He was becoming quite accustomed to conformity, especially when it included Hijikata's warm body pressed against his own. It helped a lot.

"…uh?" Hijikata's eyes blinked.

Gintoki did not even bother to gulp or sigh. He could foresee the disaster. As Hijikata took his time staring at Gintoki's chest, the latter tried to drift away from alluring fantasies or spouting any rage-inducing comments. It was a fun sight to behold really. Hijikata's blush had moved up to the third thing Gintoki loved most in the world, next to parfaits and Jump of course. Maybe he could do a little exception in this case, given the circumstances.

Once Hijikata's stare turned into a forced gaze Gintoki finally took the opportunity to speak a few words.

"I said don't drool on my yukata, asshole" Gintoki stated seriously. Hijikata's shocked and outraged face could not have been funnier.

"Y-you…" There was a misty blur in the Vice-Captain's blue eyes, a clear consequence of his confusion, embarrassment and current lack of judgment.

"Bastard! What are you still doing h- SHIT!"

"What? Does your back hurt?"

"Son of a… ugh!" Hijikata hissed and buried his head in his pillow. It was close to obvious what the whole painful business was about.

"Come here. Come to Gin-san. He'll make all the pain go away" Gintoki told him lightheartedly. It was proving difficult not to laugh at Hijikata's predicament, especially when the word "bottom" seemed to be imprinted all over his flushed face.

"Stay back perverted fiend! I should arrest you, rapist! And stop talking like a pedo!"

"Shut up Mayora freak! You were the one going all uke on me! What did you want me to do? I'm only human you know?!" Gintoki said as matter-of-factly as possible. Being called a rapist did not sooth his conscience at all, nor allowed him to joke about it. The words struck a chord somewhere.

"I did what?! You're the one who barged into my room spouting crazy shit!" Hijikata replied angrily, clutching on a pillow savagely.

"I just came to return Oogushi-kun his belongings"

"Damaged belongings surely! You're so full of crap!"

"Whatever" Gintoki muttered annoyed "Now let me see that"

Gintoki raised one of his arms to grab Hijikata's free hand and slipped the other beneath the covers. It travelled down Hijikata's spine, echoing the sudden excitement and then, as it reached the aching area, the touch incited restrained sounds.

"A-ah! S-stop that! Get your damn hands off!" Hijikata half moaned, half grunted, shivering everywhere. Gintoki kept caressing the said entry with his fingers listening out for more reactions. It is dispensable to state Gintoki was enjoying it more than he should and for all the reasons he could not quite grasp yet. The lack of derision or scorn in his pitiful absent-minded smile told the whole story itself.

"Aaah… sto…"

"Oi, oi, Oogushi-kun what's with those sexy noises you're making? Don't be a perv, we already did plenty last night"

"Fuck you bastard!"

Gintoki could not but grin. He removed his hand and poked Hijikata's chest with gluey fingers.

"It's still sticky and wet… ahah"

The teasing voice was near enough to melt Hijikata into a puddle of mortification, though he simply proceeded to snarl violently.

"Fucking moron! I'm gonna kill ya!"

Hijikata turned around in a swift movement of hips and reached out for his sword. Fortunately, Gintoki was able to foresee this and stopped him before he could touch the handle. He held Hijikata's naked upper body in his arms and stretched out his neck carefully to plant a kiss on his shoulder. Gintoki kept his lips glued to the startled skin until the Vice-Captain yielded completely.

"Don't' think you can get rid of me so easily from now on. I've found your weakness Oogushi-kun"

Hijikata's eyes bulged out surprised. He blushed slightly, tingeing his already maroon features, and then shoved Gintoki away. The latter understood Hijikata had reached his limit.

"W-where's my yukata…" Hijikata mumbled, ignoring Gintoki's presence completely and groping around for some piece of garment "I need a smoke…"

"Don't go Oogushi-kun~~~ Gin-san will be your cigarette~~~~"

"Which part of you, you sick bastard! Just shut it! Where the hell did you get that pickup line anyway? Cave man!"

Gintoki's brow twitched with annoyance. Sure he could comprehend the need for some temporary distance, but not for those stupid half-assed insults.

"Gin-san was just flirting a little, no need to be such an ungrateful ass, mayo"

"I heard _that_, perm head!" Hijikata replied turning his head in Gintoki's direction.

"And I heard _that_ scumbag, mayo!"

"Bastar-"

Flimsy steps approached the bedroom from the inner corridor startling both men. A delusional white fog might as well have consumed Hijikata that moment. Terror was splattered all over his face, most probably even running through his veins, pumping and pumping, and hushing his brain for a prompt solution to the current mess. He looked at Gintoki with a pleading face, which didn't help much since the latter was more interested in the fact he could make such a cute expression to begin with, and so, the only thing that ended up calming Hijikata was the actual disturbance.

"Vice-Captain? Is everything alright, sir? The Captain was asking about you" Yamazaki's voice, usually irritating and boring as hell, actually came out as a singing angel's. Hijikata sighed with relief from within. He could pull this off.

"Vice-Captain?"

Meantime, Gintoki was totally drooling mentally over the distressed Hijikata and could not, consequently, understand why all of a sudden he jumped onto his lap and latched a hand over his mouth.

"Fine! Everything's fine! I just overslept damn it! Tell Kondo-san I'll be there soon" Hijikata yelled in his most cold and threatening tone.

"Y-yes, sir!" Yamazaki nodded nervously and trotted away.

Gintoki, getting the notion that the danger or whatever disturbance it was had flown away, grinned happily and licked the pale hand resting over his lips.

"Uwa! Stop that! It's gross!" Hijikata exclaimed surprised, retrieving his hand so quickly as if he had been burnt.

"Ooh. So it's gross here but not down there, uh? Oogushi-kun is a weirdo" Gintoki laughed.

"You have a death wish?"

"Hijikata-saann~~~~" A new striking voice interrupted. This time Hijikata acted fast.

"Shit! It's Okita now! Hide!"

"Wha-?"

Gintoki didn't even have time to reply anything. Hijikata's hand fell upon his head and pushed him down under the covers where it was dark and warm. Afterwards, a desperate grip clenched his white yukata and Gintoki was dragged against the other man, colliding head first with Hijikata's stomach. He repressed a grunt and gasped for air. Only then did he notice the trembling fingers resting among his locks of silver hair.

Okita popped his head inside the bedroom casually and stared right away at Hijikata. The latter did not let a second pass by without chiding him.

"Hijikata-san, what's with you today? Funny dreams again? That will ruin your reputation among the troops… even more"

"How many times have I told you to not enter my room without permission? And I heard that last part, sadist! Now get lost!"

"I heard Yamazaki say you were sleeping late so I had to come and take a peek"

"Who cares?!"

"Are you naked Vice-Captain? Sorry I just noticed now" Okita said stoically.

The comment clearly hit a nerve and as Gintoki tried to suppress a laugh his breath tickled Hijikata in funny ways, instigating a strange groan from the older man's throat. Things could not go worse. They simply couldn't. Gintoki didn't need to look at Hijikata to get an image of materialized panic.

Okita snickered loudly. On purpose.

"I'm sorry Hijikata-san. It seems you're busy with _yourself_. Excuse me" he said hastily. He slid the door shut, but let a few inches open to murmur: "Shameful, shameful, shameful, shameful, shameful, shameful, shameful, shameful, shameful, shameful…"

"Don't go spreading fucking rumors you damn idiot! Shit!" Hijikata threw him a pillow filled with murderous intent and after hearing the door slide shut and Okita's light footing disappear in the distance, he finally let Gintoki surface.

"Phew! That was close _and_ uncomfortable. By the way, did Gin-san's closeness turn you on? I thought I heard an excited moan. Is it mating season?"

"What the hell are you talking about?! Get out of here asshole!"

"Eeh? Already?"

"Are you kidding me?!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah… just give me my clothes back and I'll be on my way" Gintoki said earnestly. Hijikata scowled.

"You're the one who took them off!"

"Haha, joking, joking"

Gintoki got up and stretched lazily. He decided to take the casual unassuming approach, something he was quite familiar with, and a manner of expression which enabled him to keep his cool unaffected regard towards the whole situation. Hijikata diving into the nearest robe and slipping outside to the porch to smoke a cigarette also eased things, and Gintoki was happy to be given some private space to dress up.

"_Y-Yorozuya! Ah- Don't!...ha! ha! Sto-"_

_Hijikata's back arched beautifully and he thrust his head backwards, praying for something he didn't quite knew he wanted. Drops of sweat trickled down his skin, a thin gentle stream ran down his back. _

_His breaths were irregular, out of step, like he had run a whole marathon. Nevertheless Gintoki kept his pace._

Gintoki blinked twice to shove the memories away. For some reason the previous night's flashbacks dazzled his vision. He groped around the floor looking for his boots and put them on quickly. Maybe he just had to get out of that room for the thoughts to cease completely.

_The heavy, hot breaths issuing from the Vice-Commander beneath him enveloped his face in a cloudy mist. _

"_Ha… ha..ha!"_

_Hijikata raised his arms reaching for Gintoki and dug his fingernails in his back, bracing himself against the hot body above him. His slippery hands kept adjusting to his shoulders and as Hijikata buried his face in Gintoki's neck, the latter conceded him a few marks near the nape._

"Shit"

Gintoki ran a nervous hand through his messy hair with dread. He needed a parfait, a good dose of Jump hero bullshit and a nice perspective of Sadaharu puking fur at home. He needed his reality back. And soon.

When he stepped outside the first thing he met was Hijikata's relaxed back hunched over crossed legs. In his hand rested a lit cigarette, probably burning away on its own giving the fact Hijikata was staring of into the distance and doing nothing else besides that. Quite the concentration. Gintoki shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he stood behind him, dressed and ready to go. He began to feel really uncomfortable, not knowing what to say or do. He didn't want to hear anything that would be stuck in his brain for weeks; he didn't want any opinion; he didn't want one single word to slip out of Hijikata's mouth. He knew he wouldn't like it. But Gintoki expected something nonetheless. A tiny something even.

"_W-wait! Wait! Wait! W-what are you doing?" Hijikata's voice was barely a whisper. It was strained from all the panting and moaning._

"_You'll see"_

_Gintoki got a firm hold on Hijikata's hips and pulled him up, sitting him over his thighs while erect member and nipples came touching his skin unwillingly. _

"_What the fuck… do you think you're… doing" Hijikata muttered with eyes shut. It amazed Gintoki how he could still look so angry and that made him crack a smile. Hijikata's head then yielded slightly and his forehead found ground on Gintoki's. _

"_What's this? Are you taking a break?" Gintoki queried amused "It's not over yet"_

Gintoki coughed out loud and swatted the memory away with his hand as if it were a fly. He could tell his face was sculptured in a definite grimace at the sudden remembrance. Was this going to haunt him forever?

Once he left his dream world, Hijikata appeared to have left his own. He tilted his head to the side and surveyed the source of distraction. His cold blue eyes met Gintoki's and there was an awkward exchange of looks. It was obvious they needed to part away from each other. They both glared, dismissing any kind of embarrassment, and broke eye contact simultaneously, looking in the opposite direction. Gintoki scratched his belly absent-mindedly and began walking way, calmly, steady, fearful and scared shitless of a comeback from the dark haired Vice-Captain.

Vexation really was a damn karmic thing though.

Hijikata's voice sounded dry, emotionless and wholly submersed in his control as he freed himself of his question.

"Are you coming back?"

Gintoki was stupid. Gintoki was stupid beyond comparison. His answer was exactly what happens to dumb old fools who don't know how to think before they act.

"Is that a challenge?"

And Gintoki was an even bigger fool for turning back and taking a glimpse at the damned guy. Gintoki was a retarded asshole because he looked and regretted. He looked at those red ears and cheeks and got what he deserved.

"Forget it! I don't ever want to see you again!"

Way to go Gintoki. Way to go.

He sneaked out of the barracks and stepped out to the busy streets of Edo: shady samurais passed by whispering illegal deals, old ladies lagged behind their grandchildren, girls giggled madly while typing anxiously on their cell phones, kids ran around playing the dumbest games... sure looked the same to him. So what was it that made them seem so strange? Gintoki sighed. He turned a corner and met face to face with his usual bookstore. He picked a Shounen Jump from a big pile, left a few of yen on the counter and walked off. He skimmed through the pages at leisure, not worrying about spoilers or avoiding Kochikame's horrific eyebrows. It didn't matter much when he wasn't actually seeing or reading anything. Then Gintoki bumped into someone. Someone very annoying and babbling non-stop.

"Gin-san! Gin-san! Are you hearing me? Where the hell were you? Kagura-chan was worried about you! Me too! You didn't return home last night! What happened? Did you go spending money on those stupid pachinko parlors with Hasegawa-san again? Didn't I and aneue tell you to stop that? We are not exactly rich you know? What about our job? Didn't we have one today at east Kabuki-cho? Let's go, let's go! Kagura-chan is waiting with Otose-san and Katherine. She was dead worried, telling me she would start banging on every door looking for you. Geez. And Sadaharu was-"

Gintoki nodded with his head throughout the whole speech. He wasn't particularly interested in the affairs of the rest of the group at the moment. He was racking his brain searching for something very important that seemed to be lacking; something that had escaped his attention somehow. However, as soon as he entered Otose's bar he remembered. It only took him a few seconds.

Kagura came crying to his leg first.

"Gin-chaaan! Gin-chaaann! How could you! How could you leave me alone! I thought I would die of hunger! And anego made me eat her black eggs! Cruel, cruel Gin-chaaann!" she kept weeping.

"Gintoki, geez. Don't go hanging around with that Madao, you know you two have bad luck" Otose said in a strict yet worried voice. Katherine nodded with her head behind the counter and exhaled a big cloud of some.

Gintoki's eyes then swelled in surprise. A memory came back.

_Hijikata's body fell on the futon tiredly. His legs were intertwined with Gintoki's in a total mess; his arms were lying lifeless beside him, devoid of any strength. The only thing that moved was his chest, up and down, while his lungs inhaled and exhaled air. Gintoki was as exhausted, resting on his back beside the Shinsengumi officer. The roots of his silver hair were drenched in sweat, almost equaling Hijikata's straight dark locks plastered all over his face. It wasn't a bad sight at all and, for what seemed like an hour, they stood there quietly regaining whatever strength they could to roll over and sleep. _

_When a suitable amount of strength seemed to have returned to his muscles, Gintoki reached a hand to remove the spilled locks of hair off Hijikata's face so he could see his expression more clearly. However, a pale hand stopped his action before he could start it. What followed struck a lonely fluttering heart._

"_I'm cold. Cover me up Gintoki"_

* * *

AN: Damn. I can't believe I got this done. I must admit I had no idea what to write in this chapter, I was sailing with no land in sight, wondering how the hell would Gintoki react to all this. But then, the inspiration did come and I was able to write it. Anyway, I hope this little confession of mine won't despair anyone. I swear I have the next chapter planned in my head (we will be back to Hijikata's PoV). I just hope I'll have time to write it, because college has been more than draining. Oh well… Thanks for all the awesome reviews and favs and such. This pairing does indeed need more love. Thanks a million! Readers are pure bliss~~~

Last edited on July 2013.


	6. Beware of Contradictions and Names

Disclaimer: Gintama belongs to Hideaki Sorachi. Let's leave it at that.

* * *

Messing With a Rotten Bond Will Mess With Your Rotten Heart

Chapter 6: Beware of Contradictions and People's Names

* * *

When the soul is irrevocably in uproar there is, usually, little will to acknowledge it, even more so when it comes to Hijikata Toshiro. In this case, such induced ignorance can reach so high a state it becomes blatantly noticeable to any bystander. Unfortunately, how sad it was that the latter happened to be the nosy and chatty bunch of the Shinsengumi barracks! It wasn't half bad actually, given the total mess Hijikata's mind was in lately, but it did take a toll somehow. Amidst all the worry and frustration he seemed to be bearing, there was still a weight on his shoulders reminding him that everyone else knew he was acting weird.

"You know, yesterday I bumped into the Vice Captain in the bathroom and he was mumbling to himself. Really creepy!" said one officer to another at breakfast.

"I heard he forgot to put mayo on his rice the other day"

"What?! Impossible!" Two others exclaimed perplexed.

"That isn't too shocking…." Yamazaki cut in wisely "Since he fell asleep during last week's patrol" he added, rubbing one finger under his nose proudly.

"Wha-? The Vice Captain?!"

"No way!"

"The same!" Yamazaki answered vainglorious.

These little competitions seeking the best incredulous story about the Vice Commander were becoming very popular among young officers and the fact that the man in question did not appear to engage in any effort to stop them, made it all the more enjoyable and lasting. Obviously there were those who simply shrugged the topic off or basically didn't care, but there was one evil seed in particular which was awkwardly silent about it. Although, it didn't mean he wasn't interested in the business, on the contrary. Captain Okita was all over his superior and if not for the latter's alienation he would have already been dissected for being the irritating leech he was.

"Eeeh... Hijikata-san, you're not taking your sword out with you today? Pretty confident, I see, or are you patronizing me? I would really like to kill you, but don't underestimate me please" Okita said innocently one day before patrolling. Hijikata immediately snapped out of his momentarily trance and scowled.

"Wha-?! A-as if! I was just going to go get it, invertebrate! Tsk!" He hurried away grumbling furiously and brushed the embarrassment aside.

"Come on, Hijikata-saaann~~! We don't have all daaay!"

"Yeah, yeah… stop pestering, sheesh!" Hijikata came back in a quick step avoiding any eye contact with the teasing prick. Okita smirked.

The two walked out of the barracks and headed to the patrol car parked by the gate. Hijikata was currently focused, reading some reports Harada had just brought him. The contents were the usual. Lists of supposed Joui faction members, info and rumors, robberies, rapes, accidents, the everyday-crap policemen are expected to deal with. However, this exclusive report included, for the first time, something Hijikata did not foresee. His head turned up reflexively, portraying a deadly glare, and he looked around fiercely scanning the surroundings for his prey.

"Who the hell wrote this?"

"Hijikata-san, the name is written on the front page" Okita indicated nicely, though swarming with sarcasm.

"Oh, right, I forgot" Hijikata nodded and skimmed the pages backwards. His eyes quickly found their destination and it wasn't even two seconds before he shouted "YAMAZAKIII!"

The clumsy, nerdy officer came running and stopped before his Vice Commander breathing heavily.

"You called sir?"

"Yes I fucking called!" he yelled enraged "What the hell is this!" he shoved the report papers in Yamazaki's face and took out his cigarette pack while waiting for an answer. A decent, acceptable answer, if that was even possible.

"This is my report from yesterday's-"

"I know that! What about the last part?! The last part!" Hijikata roared. He lit his cigarette viciously, ticking the lighter nervously.

"Oh, about the Yorozuya, sir?"

"Whatever!"

"R-right, the Yorozuya group was headed into Yoshiwara two days ago and it seems they are causing quite the riot over there. According to some reliable sources who saw the -"

Hijikata stared at Yamazaki deep in thought. He wasn't hearing much after the confirmation. Lots of questions were popping up inside his head instead, occupying most of his senses. What could the silver haired idiot possibly be doing at that nest of geishas and prostitutes? It is needless to number all the episodes and wicked affairs that were unraveling in Hijikata's mind once he came to know such fact. Also, it was easily detectable how the information pissed him off. The cigarette between his teeth which was no longer being smoked but bitten and the murderous look in his eyes were evidence enough, though the last detail could barely count given the person Hijikata was and the personality he had been bestowed with. Nevertheless, he controlled himself sufficiently to keep his cool. Hijikata managed to brush the issue aside and after some of Yamazaki's ranting, he took off calmly, quietly, without too much trouble. Okita was secretely aware of all this, but he did not disclose anything except to himself. From thereon, Hijikata was unknowingly being over-supervised. Okita had him under the microscope.

Luckily for Hijikata the day did not end without good news. During a tactical meeting that afternoon, a new anti-terrorist operation was successfully appointed to start the next day without much ado or critiques. His bloodlust and anger would finally be properly canalized and his mind could temporarily get some rest from the constant giddiness. However, life was not only roses or gardens of flowers and sparkle like some stupid shoujo manga, which meant that something was wrong. Something had to be wrong to disrupt the fucking peace in the universe. The highly approved operation had a special factuality which discomposed the whole of the Vice Commander. The area in question, which they were to spy and oversee, was coincidently near Gintoki's house. The Shogun be damned! Hijikata was cursed. He was fucking cursed and he knew it. The following day came in a blink of an eye.

"Hijikata-san are you nervous?"

"About what?"

"I don't know. I just wondered if it could be the cause for you forgetting your vest, that's all"

Hijikata peeked at his chest and flushed. He sent a glare to the smiling Sougo and turned to the nearest official.

"You. You're with Captain Okita today"

"Uh? But, sir I-"

"NOW!"

"Y-yess, sir!"

"Oooh, Hijikata-san… how subtle"

"Shut up. I don't wanna hear you today!"

"Sure thing, sir" Okita nodded faking his politeness. He then tiptoed behind the Vice Captain and attached a ticking voodoo doll to his patrol car. We all know what happened next.

* * *

Surprisingly, the anti-terrorist operation proceeded quite smoothly and without half the personal interferences Hijikata had expected. In fact, there hadn't been one. Putting it bluntly, the strolls Hijikata did past Gintoki's house were all of his own accord and always ended in secret disappointment. Although, Hijikata admitted there was some stupidity to his actions. Of course, if the idiot was over at Yoshiwara doing who knows what with all those women, logically, he couldn't be at home, could he? These suppositions were proven correct until a few days later. One evening finally came to put an end to Hijikata's hidden disillusion. As he walked by Otose's bar a familiar Chinese umbrella and white fluffy dog came walking down the street. _China and the big dog?_ Kagura did not pretend to be cheerful once she noticed him.

"Oh, it's Mayora. What's up" she greeted with such exceeding boredom Hijikata was sure it could only have been taught by a certain useless asshole. Sadaharu conceded him a quick glimpse but did not stop his march. _Another jackass. _

"Hn" Hijikata tilted his head slightly. He debated intensely with self-control, wondering if perhaps he should ask anything in particular. Nonetheless he said nothing. He walked home in silence, with every nerve stinging with regret.

That guilt did not burn long though. As if by magic, in two days time, during his same old walk home from the supervising area, Hijikata bumped into Shinpachi. The latter was probably the most decent of all the people related to the white haired perm and that was probably what encouraged Hijikata to proceed with his questions. As artfully and coldly as he could though.

"Hijikata-san! How are you?" the four eyes asked nicely. Hijikata replied ever so politely and turned his head to the side in a guarded manner.

"Heard Yoshiwara got rowdy" he stated brusquely. Suggesting was not on Hijikata's dictionary. Shinpachi gulped anxiously. He was definitely more worried about legal matters than the Vice Commander's pressing needs.

"Ah-hah ahahaha" Shinpachi laughed disturbed "Yes, yes, it appears so… hahahaha"

"I know you guys were behind it"

Shinpachi's laughter ceased like a blown out candle.

"As expected from the Shinsengumi…" Shinpachi said defeated.

"We can't touch Yoshiwara, so whatever you did, I hope you did it right" Hijikata said coolly "Though I don't expect much from you, or the other two"

"Ahaha, don't worry. Gin-san and Kagura are alright-"

"Does it seem like I care?!" Hijikata suddenly burst enraged. The mere name pissed him off.

"N-no, sorry, sorry I didn't mean to-"

"Anyway, I got work to do. See ya"

"Goodbye" Shinpachi replied with a slight bow.

Hijkata was restless. How could it be that Gintoki was back to the Kabuki district and he still hadn't run into him? It was positively maddening. Unheard of! Did he have to go to duch lenghts as to take a day off so the bastard could strangely pop everywhere he went? No! No! He wasn't that desperate! He didn't even want to see the damned pervert. What would he even say? _Hello?_ Shit no!

Days passed by without anything as a glimpse or a glint of silver hair. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Despair had a cruel way of working. It was digging deeper and deeper into Hijikata's brain, deeper and deeper into the marrow of his bones. He was sick of seeing China girl and four eyes. In fact he was sick of the fucking "Yorozuya zone" in general, but he was even sicker of himself who couldn't stop walking past it. Kagura popped up again that day.

"Oh my, it's the virus" she said taking a few steps back. Okita who stood like steel next to Hijikata was the first to yield to the provocation.

"It's the virus job to attack bacteria" he said stoically.

"And talking crap as well. Come Sadaharu, I am getting sick"

"Watch out, don't drown in your own puke"

"Ah! If I indeed puked you'd be dead"

"I would kill you before you could, stupid child"

"Shut up Kid Number 2"

"Whaat? I couldn't hear you Baby Number 1"

"Graaaaaaah! Wanna fight bastard, OI!" Kagura yelled, showing a tight fist in front of her face. Okita smirked and stepped forwards.

"Bring it on-"

"Oi! Sougo! Enough, let's go!" Hijikta shouted angrily not bothering to stop and survey the pointless fight. Okita shot a glare at Kagura and resumed his position by the Vice Commander.

"Another day, puke bean"

"Youuuuuu!"

"Ah! Kagura-chan! What are you doing! Gin-san! Gin-san! Kagura is going wild again!" Shinpachi's voice rang in the street loudly. His words caught Hijikata's hears in an alarming manner but before he could hear any further conversation (and voices) his legs walked faster and the Yorozuya house was soon out of sight. Stubbornness came with idiocy too.

* * *

At the peak of despair comes a trial. After the closure of the anti-terrorist operation, Hijikata's trial finally came to be. It was no longer something he waited for, nor something he worried himself about, probably not something he could even remember at the end of the day like he used to. He was already too engrossed in his work when the re-encounter took place, and such circumstance could not have led to a bigger shock. Hijikata was left alone at the scene, in the company of his loyal sword and cigarettes, overworking as per habit. The troops had already disbanded by the time he decided to head back home. The sun had set and families throughout Edo were enjoying their warm dinners.

Two people obviously weren't.

Hijikata's foot took him through his usual route back to the barracks and as he passed by Otose's bar a silver head popped out of the crowded, loud place and stepped outside. Silence was automatically established as the solely reaction possible to what occurred.

"Uh?"

"!"

"…"

"…"

Hijikata tried to say something but not one word came out of his mouth. He tried to move, to turn away his gaze, but he couldn't. He just stayed rooted to the spot, much like Gintoki himself who couldn't wipe the annoyingly happy look off his face. Maybe not happy, Hijikata couldn't possibly ever understand what the hell Gintoki thought about, much less felt, but his usual nonchalance felt different at that moment and so, he labeled it some kind of happy. What else could it be besides that? It was Gintoki for cryin' out loud!

Red cheeks started burning to the point of acknowledgment and as Hijikata noticed it, he tried desperately to leave the strange situation. He nodded with his head awkwardly and kept walking. Obviously, not a good choice. He was cruelly aware of how stupid he must have looked: stopping in his tracks to stare at the dumb fool and then resume his walk as if nothing gigantically striking had happened.

Of course, he was not the only one who shared that thought. An impressive throbbing vein could almost be visibly seen, even in the dark of the night, pumping on Gintoki's forehead and before Hijikata could predict whatever was to happen next, Gintoki was already doing his move taking a step forward and grabbing Hijikata's forearm. The context was something the Vice Captain could barely be surprised at anymore. It was always him running away so Gintoki could catch him, but now that he thought about it, now that he met Gintoki's eyes again and stopped his fluttering feelings to remind himself of the fact the fucking bastard had spent a whole week in Yoshiwara doing who knows what, surrounded by all those slutty geishas, the thought itself angered the hell out of him and this closeness with Gintoki was not so bad anymore. It was ideal for a good punch in the face.

"What?" Hijikata roared viciously, controlling his impulses not to break the fucking prick apart.

"_What?_ What?!" Gintoki repeated incredulous "Is that how you greet someone?" he asked angrily as well. Hearing his voice again was more disgruntling than Hijikata could have ever predicted. His heart halted for a second.

"I don't greet lowlifes, asshole!"

As scary as it might be, Gintoki smirked at this. A really creepy kind of smirk. Hijikata hissed.

"What are you laughing at, scum?"

"Is that all embarrassment?" Gintoki asked still quite amused.

"Embarrassment my ass! I told you I never wanted to see you again" Hijikata muttered; voice pure poison.

"Really?" Gintoki said still smiling. The reaction didn't make any sense at all. Hijikata furrowed a brow suspiciously. Was the sick bastard _that _dumb?

"I'm not joking perm bastard!" Hijikata growled angrily. He could feel the frustration boiling in his blood. He brushed his arm away from Gintoki's grip and tried to back away a few steps. Unfortunately, he was unsuccessful. Gintokil managed to catch his sleeve and, with a strong pull, brought Hijikata back to the place near his chest.

"You damned… Let- go… Tsk!"

Hijikata kept wrestling endlessly, forcing Gintoki to invest in a more effective move. The Yorozuya took a few steps forward and turned a sharp right into a side street perpendicular to his building. Hijikata was dragged along with him and his struggle ceased when his back collided with solid wall and Gintoki towered himself over him, leaving the Vice-Captain no chance to run away.

"Wha-!"

"For someone who didn't ever want to see me again you sure pass by my house often. Is it a job you have for us? 'Cause I would gladly accept one" Gintoki said quite coldly. He sounded pretty annoyed.

At this Hijikata could not prevent a flush. His ulterior motives shouldn't have been so easily unraveled. But who gave a shit?! It wasn't like the damn bastard was the sole purpose for his peculiar choice of path back home. It was quicker that way as well.

"Damn conceited aren't ya idiot? It's work, bastard! Work! It's not like I want to get anywhere near this hellish place!"

Gintoki's eyes bulged slightly. His expression was unreadable, but his angry tone of voice presented a frustrated state of mind.

"Then don't, fucking jerk! Then don't!" This time Gintoki yelled loudly, more than necessary perhaps. It startled Hijikata mildly, but only when he punched the wall centimeters next to his ear did the latter really flinch. The violent act aroused Hijikata's own fighting instincts as well. He immediately let loose his rage and punched Gintoki's face making the obnoxious samurai fumble a few steps back.

"I walk by the place I damn well want, fucking asshole! Wanna pick a fight, uh?"

Gintoki caressed his cheek slowly; his expression bore a confused look. Hijikata exhaled hot breaths, practically fuming.

"…"

The next move was close to instantaneous. Gintoki moved in a split second, almost too quickly for Hijikata to see. He felt a pair of hands gripping his collar fiercely and the next thing he knew, he was violently pushed backwards once again, meeting the solid wall. However this time it was slightly different. Not only was Gintoki towering over him but also kissing him deeply. Hijikata took a while to process the development.

There was a momentary sense of yielding; a complete want of defeat, but Hijikata was more stubborn than his lustful urges. He pushed Gintoki back after biting his lip. The silver haired samurai cursed loudly and sucked the trail of blood that started flowing down towards his chin.

"Shit! It's bleeding! Look what you've done asshole-"

"If you want a slut to mess around with, you can go back to Yoshiwara, fucking degenerate!"

Hijikata cursed mentally as soon as he ended his sentence. Why the fuck did he have to say that? His mind was racing a thousand miles per second. He had the notion he was burying himself in shame. He tried to think of something to cover up; another crappy piece of information that would divert Gintoki's attention from that especial quote, but it was too damn late. Gintoki was staring at him with those enigmatic red eyes, most definitely making up a whole new story in his retarded head and assuming falsehoods. Unfortunately, Hijikata was beyond bad at human relationships. Anyone could predict what followed as well as the terrible blush that wanted to crawl over Hijikata's features but fought against his burning jealousy at the same time.

"So you heard about that…" Gintoki trailed off quietly and thoughtful. Hijikata gulped but didn't answer a word. Obviously his silence was more of a confirmation than an act of rebellion to whoever witnessed the scene.

"I wonder how many people in Edo didn't" Hijikata replied sarcastically. His hand searched for his pack of cigarettes unconsciously. The addiction was supposed to kick in at times of distress.

"Right…" Gintoki nodded. His dead fish eyes were partially closed, clearly bespeaking a mental strain. It angered Hijikata somehow.

"Why are you staring at me like that? Knock it off, it's annoying!" Hijikata grunted.

"But I can't believe it" Gintoki pouted childishly like a kid who doesn't enjoy being scolded. Hijikata lit his cigarette and threw him a harsh look.

"What kind of crap are you thinking about?"

"Eeeh? I'm not telling. Hehe"

The reply struck a nerve. Hijikata scowled.

"Fine! Whatever!" He placed the cigarette between his teeth and began walking away, leaving the dark street and muttering incomprehensively to himself. However, Gintoki had not finished the torment yet.

"Wait, wait, wait! Sorry, sorry. Gin-san will tell. I was just joking-"

"You're always joking, dumbass" Hijikata replied briskly. As he kept walking, he could listen to Gintoki's steps following him closely behind, but before he could ascertain how pleasant that was, Gintoki interrupted his thoughts again.

"I was just wondering how it could be that Oogushi-kun is jealous over me, especially after-"

Hijikata stopped dead in his tracks and turned around fiercely to deny. Deny deny deny.

"Shut up asshole! Stop making things up! And why the hell are you following me?!"

"I'm not following, I'm just taking a walk which, coincidentally, appears to be the same way you're going, and I am not making things up" Gintoki answered oh so truthfully.

"You…!" Hijikata wanted to refute. Refute with something intelligent; something that made sense, though, how could he refute something that he knew deep down in his heart to be true? He couldn't and this incapability materialized itself in a sad substantial sight: Hijikata standing rooted to some random spot on the street looking at Gintoki without anything smart to say. Not to mention, the silver headed man was all smiles and smirks of course.

"I what?" Gintoki queried nonchalantly, looking around coolly as if the current moment consisted in the most boring five minutes in the whole history of humanity.

"…"

Still nothing. Hijikata decided it was better to walk. Yes, at least if he acted it was a sign he was alive and breathing and thinking. The silence was hideous.

They kept walking, one following the other, though Hijikata wasn't paying any attention to the way they were going and only when they reached another deserted street did he surface from the depths of his soul to pale at his idiocy.

"Shit-"

"Are you done being really embarrassing? I'm still here you know? There's only a certain degree of cuteness I can take, after that it is just plain stupidity"

"I don't want to hear _you_ saying that, creep! Why are you still…" Hijikata babbled strange sounds. Sure, killing people was not particularly comfortable, but this, this utter helplessness he showed Gintoki was the peak of dismay. The cigarette stuck between his lips fell to the ground silently and Gintoki approached him with open arms.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to hug you and then we're going home do some making up. It's obvious"

Hijikata slapped his hands away.

"You're not touching me anymore, perm hair"

Gintoki recoiled slightly showing a little apprehension.

"So, we are going to act like nothing happened?" there was no expression, no emotion, nothing absolutely relevant in Gintoki's voice this time. Hijikata suppressed his own flinch and squeezed the fallen cigarette with his foot.

"Why should we do otherwise?"

An icy wind blew by, ruffling black and silver hair. The silence in the alley reigned until drops of water started falling down from the sky, one after the other. Hijikata looked up discreetly.

"Shit, it's raining" he cursed blatantly. Gintoki stayed silent and still, unaffected by the sudden downpour.

"I'm going home Yorozuya, you should do the same" Hijikata said loudly through the rain.

"…"

Gintoki replied something inaudible but when he repeated it again Hijikata was already out of sight.

"It's Gintoki, not Yorozuya, damn bastard"

Hijikata was too concerned with catching a cold to even think about the current chain of events. He ran to the barracks cursing all along, looking out for some patrol car to drive him safe and dryly. But no such luck. He didn't expect that kind of usefulness from his subordinates to begin with. By the time he arrived though, he was received by a group of young officers, one of them being Yamazaki.

"Vice-Captain! Did you return from the scene just now?"

Hijikata felt complied to answer with blood and gore but loud familiar steps stopped him.

"Toshi? Is it Toshi?" Kondo appeared from behind the group of youngsters with a big grin across his face "Hey! You've been overworking yourself again, haven't you? Don't worry Toshi, you know those…"

Hijikata was not listening. For once in his lifetime he wasn't listening to Kondo unwillingly. His span of attention was occupied with other very significant matters, especially a particular flash of memory that had suddenly crossed his mind. The big gorilla Captain repeating his name over and over again wasn't helping him regaining his concentration at all.

"Toshi? Toshi? Oi Toshi?"

"_Toshiro"_

" _Can I call you that?" Gintoki's breath near his earlobe was slow and warm. It made his mind go out of focus and eased him as much, letting him forget momentarily the strain and pain in his body._

"_Shut up"_

"_Haha, I knew you would say that" Gintoki laughed and snuggled against Hijikata's neck. _

"Oi Toshi! Are you ok? Oi!"

Hijikata left his trance with a jolt. He looked up at Kondo and bowed his head quickly.

"I'm sorry, I forgot something" he mumbled while making his way backwards towards the entrance. Kondo and the other men looked at him confused.

"Wha-? But you just got here"

"Vice-Captain!"

"I'll be right back" Hijikata told them absentmindedly. He sprinted out of the barracks not even remembering to take an umbrella with him. The drenching rain kept falling incessantly and he slipped in a few wet sidewalks, fumbling forwards.

"Shit! Damn fucking rain! Die, damn it!"

Hijikata ran and ran nonstop. The mad sprint was actually proving to be really invigorating, and the heart beating steadily inside his chest did not halt one second. It was pretty determined to cross over the district, even through a freaking tornado if necessary. Although as he got closer to his destination a tingling feeling of anxiety threatened to turn his legs into jelly, testing his perseverance, which was as stubborn as ever, fiercer than at any other time he ran after some criminal.

He climbed up the stairs to the second floor in a flash and when he finally made it to Gintoki's front door his stance wavered. His doubts came rushing back to him. Loud voices from inside the house interrupted his thoughts.

"Shinpachi was right, you do have creepy amounts of the same outfit Gin-chan" a girl's voice said teasingly.

"Hmph! I don't want to hear that! At least I'm not represented by a common pair of glasses!"

"Anyway Gin-chan, you're clothes were really wet. You should have asked Tama for an umbrella. I heard her arm can turn into one"

"Don't spout nonsense. Go to sleep. Go, go"

"But, but-"

"Go Kagur-"

Gintoki stopped abruptly in his speech startling Hijikata, who stood outside. What could have happened?

"What's wrong Gin-chan?" Kagura's voice brought forth the question Hijikata asked himself.

"Nothing, nothing. Sadaharu's yawn distracted me. You can go to sleep, shoo, shoo"

"Oh ok. Goodnight Gin-chan"

"Goodnight"

Hijikata sighed. How depressing was it? How stupid he must have looked standing there on the rain gathering strength to finish whatever he had started. He raised a hand to touch the sliding door but before he could knock or attempt to move it, someone opened it from inside. Gintoki was once again before him, now in his green pajamas and blue winter coat hanging on his shoulders.

"Oh, it's Oogushi-kun" he said devoid of emotion. His expression was one of positive boredom "What do you want?"

Casual words that usually stung nothing but hard ignorance now bruised some weak tenderness that was not there initially. Hijikata was still struggling with words when Gintoki began sliding the door again.

"If there isn't anything, I'm off. Excuse meee"

The door slid shut. Hijikata was angry but powerless. He couldn't go home but he couldn't face Gintoki either. What a fucking little coward. He took a couple of steps backwards and slid down the stairs' railing. The drenched uniform above his skin weighed a ton and the cold of the night scarred his face through the wind. Damn it. What was he doing? It wasn't like him to act on instinct… why did he even come? He didn't actually think he could do anything, did he? What did he even want to do? Was there anything he wanted to prove? Hijikata was lost. Why should that stupid ridiculous recollection affect him so? The events of that night were something close to surreal, the time which had spawned after it had been filled with regrets and uncertainty. Maybe Hijikata just needed to put an end to it. It wasn't such a twisted unrealistic goal. It was quite understandable rather.

Minutes passed by in silence and Hijikata was almost falling asleep on the stairs when the front door opened once again.

"Stupid asshole! What are you still doing here!?" Gintoki shouted in disbelief.

"I can't go back, idiot"

"Oooh… did they throw you out because they found out your dirty little secret Vice Captain-san?"

"No"

"Then what?"

"It's raining" Hijikata said, head buried between his knees. He didn't dare look up. No, he didn't. He would not take further humiliation. Contradicting himself and acting stubborn were things he took a while to acknowledge. Yet, suddenly, it stopped raining. The consistent drops of water pounding over his head ceased completely. The perplexity of the situation forced him to raise his head in curiosity.

"What about now?"

Gintoki was crouched in front of him holding an umbrella. His face was as nonchalant as ever.

"I'll let you borrow this so you can go pester somewhere else" he said gesturing to the handle in his hand.

Hijikata mustered all courage to say the two most important letters ever said in his life.

"No"

"No?" Gintoki repeated irritated "What can I do for you to leave, annoying leech?"

"Nothing. I'm not leaving"

"You'll catch a cold, stupid"

"I'm fine like this" Hijikata mumbled leaning against the wall tiredly.

"Aaargh! Stop being so annoying, damn it!" Gintoki grunted. He took the winter coat off his shoulders and threw it over the black haired man's head.

"Oi, jackass, what do you think you're-" Hijikata started complaining and tussling against the thick garment. However, Gintoki's arms captured him in a quick embrace before he could see anything at all.

"Don't even think about looking at me right now, fucking bastard! I hate you, damn Shinsengumi dog, I hate you! Evil creep!" Gintoki said in a quick rant. Hijikata blushed slightly and managed to stick his head out of the heavy warm coat.

"I'm sorry Gintoki I-"

Gintoki pulled away suddenly. He stared at Hijikata with eyes twice their size.

"What?"

"Say it again"

"Say what? I'm not apologizing twice idiot, so listen-" Hijikata began chiding away angrily but Gintoki interrupted him again still quite surprised.

"No, no, not that. The other thing"

"What? I said I'm sorry damn it!"

"Stupid, call me!"

"Call you…?" Hijikata furrowed his eyebrows frustrated but then understood what was being requested. He was not able to repress a smirk.

"Are you a little kid?"

"Don't be an ass, just say it" Gintoki pressed on.

"Gintoki…"

"Oooh! You said it!" the silver haired man exclaimed perplexed. There was an unusual shade of red coloring his face, but Hijikata thought Gintoki immune to his own blushing.

"Again!"

"Gintoki"

"Again, again!"

"OI!"

Hijikata glared heavily. The stupid birdbrain surely didn't have any idea how embarrassing it was to have to say his name all those times, did he?

"I'm done, idiot. Now give me that umbrella" Hijikata said standing up. Gintoki did the same but maintained his strong grip on the handle. He eyed Hijikata mischievously and grinned.

"I thought you weren't going anywhere"

"I wasn't"

"Good. Then let's dry up Oogushi-kun and snuggle into bed" Gintoki said in a sing-along voice. He held Hijikata's hand in his and pulled the Vice-Captain's dripping frame inside after him. At the threshold, however, Hijikata halted. Gintoki turned around to survey him.

"Something wrong?"

"I have a name too you know, and it's not Oogushi-kun"

Gintoki blushed.

"I know"

"Then, if we have that cleared up, go fetch me a towel" Hijikata said quickly, trying to brush off the awkward atmosphere. Yet Gintoki did not ease things.

"What? You're not going to let me say it?" He exclaimed outrageously. Hijikata turned his gaze the other way and muttered.

"Whatever, I don't want to wake up China girl anyway"

"Oh don't worry Toshiro, you can moan all you want, she sleeps hard and deaf as a rock" Gintoki stated seriously before pulling Hijikata towards him once again.

"You damn pervert perm head!"

"Follow me Mayora-kun!"

* * *

THE END

* * *

AN: Finally finished! I battled with myself for a few days, trying to decide whether or not to end this fic here. I was worried about the credibility of the characters, but I guess it ended up pretty well. Anyway, for those who wonder what will happen next, I suggest you to stay alert for more upcoming stories. I'm already starting a sequel to this (I'm sorry, I wrote prequel before, it was a stupid mistake, though I would like to write a prequel too), though it will stand alone as a new story. I feel so comfortable writing GinHiji that I'm sure I will not get tired of it anytime soon. Please read and review. I enjoyed all those extensive commentaries and opinions. They really made me happy. I'll try my best on the next fic. Thank you very much!

By the way, forgive me for the never-ending length of this chapter. I hope it pays off somehow.

Last edited on July 2013.


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